Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you've done to your roommate. If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins at the bottom of this page.

Im Doing Your Mom

Darren, You know how I always buy you drinks when we party? It's not just because I'm generous. It's also because when school ended and your mom came out to help you move, I exchanged numbers with her. We've been fuck buddies ever since you and I stopped being roommates. In my defense, she's a divorcee that looks like a supermodel, she's fantastic in the sack and I have a thing for older women. I figure the least I owe you is a few drinks.- Anonymous

Remember when you asked a random friend for a ride to some stupid ass music festival and you thought he was way hot? You told me before we got in the car how you wanted to suck his dick that night you first met him, well turns out he thought I was way hot and you reminded him of his little sister. When you found out we were dating you took it upon yourself to begin a smear campaign against the both of us, well as soon as we told all of our mutual friends about us and your complaining, they all took our side. Everyone thinks you're a fat slut and nobody likes you. The best revenge is watching yourself self-distruct.- Anonymous

Remember when you got fired from your job because you're a complete loser and a total alcoholic? How about the 3 nights in a row I found you passed out naked on the kitchen floor with a jar of Ragu in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other? And who could forget the time you couldn't come up with rent (for the 3rd month in a row) and I had to cover your share and you swore you'd pay me back yet you never did. Well payback is a bitch. That scooter that you thought was stolen was not actually stolen… I sold it to some dude for $150 after I put it on craigs list. You couldn't collect insurance because you chose not to pay that bill either. When you finally did get another vehicle and used me as a reference (without my permission I might add) I let the bank know where you were staying when your jeep got impounded because you felt like you didn't need to make your car payments. Nobody likes to pay bills dude but that's what grown ups do. I told you I don't like getting those phone calls twice a day for a god damn month straight asking if I knew where you were. So that is two vehicles of yours that I've had a hand in you losing them. Next time you ask to borrow money to cover your rent don't let me catch you hammering the check at the bar and spending the rest on lottery tickets. PS – I fucked your sister (the one whom you haven't seen for over fifteen years) numerous times on your bed when she came to visit.- Anonymous

My floor mate constantly had sex with his bed pounding against my wall at all hours of day and night. Not just reasonable noise either, I could put a cup of coffee on my desk and watch as it emptied from the force. I asked him to tighten the bolts or move it a couple of inches away from the wall as it would afford me some silence (since his girlfriend made zero noise). Late one night when I'm trying to sleep for an exam I get woken up. I bang on the door telling him to shut the hell up so I can sleep. He ignored me and I ended up awake all night because even with earplugs I could feel the impacts. Now in dorm we had infrequent but mandatory floor meetings in the floor lounge. Not showing up was a big no-no but one day I didn't show. I was too busy with his girlfriend and the whole floor got to listen to the two of us. She dumped him the next day and detailed how horribly inadequate he was in bed in front of most of the floor (and his chach buddies). I told you not to bang on my wall, bitch.- Anonymous

Sorry I didn't tell you that my boyfriend peed in our microwave and refrigerator, but you were such a bitch to me that you deserved to have all your food covered in pee.- Anonymous

My junior year in college I lived with a total slob. She left dirty dishes all over the house, never refilled the toilet paper, left her shit anywhere she pleaseed and to boot used my toothbrush when she thought I wasn't looking. Anyways, I was in charge of paying the bills for our apartment so every month I charged her 100 dollars extra for having to pick up after her. The best part, she didnt know I was doing this. With the extra cash my boyfriend and I went to Florida for a week. Thanks!- Anonymous

So, you know how when you brush your teeth you make that really loud gagging sound that wakes me up almost every day, or how you wash your hair in the sink and leave a puddle of water in the bathroom and hairs all over the sink? Well, for the past few weeks I have been squirting some of your foreign shampoo down the toilet. Also, since our shower was clogged it left the tile on the ground black from dirt and mold, I used your toothbrush to clean it up. I hope you are more considerate of your roommates next year.- Anonymous

Remember all that shit you put everyone through and your attitude to go on top of that. Denying you ever did anything to anyone and just thinking you were god's gift to the world when in reality your a 5'0" midget piece of shit that never showers. Well i took the liberty of breaking your laptop, taking any money that you had laying around, wiping your toothbrush with my shit andt and then rinsing it off with toilet water. You know what you did, you deserved all of it. Get a reality check, you are no one.- Anonymous

Remember the time you left your sun flower seed in my room for like a week. Well i thought it would be nice to add some home made flavor to them. I took hand fulls of them out sucked the salt off them and spit them back in the bag. Then I used my fish net that i recently cleaned out my fish tank with and scooped some out of the bag used it to lift the toilet seat up and dunked them in the toilet then rubbed them all over the toilet seat. Then me and my roomate took turns spitting in the bad before you came to get them. This is pay back for being an asshole to me and calling me a slut when you were hiding your little sleep overs w. your many sluts . Hope you enjoyed that mouth full you ate just before you left as you were being a complete dick.- Anonymous