By Caldwell Tanner
THE DECISION OF THE CENTURY
Your Weekend Presents....
The PLIGHT of your NIGHT, The SEIZURE of your LEISURE
the heavy weighing urge we all fight
GOING OUT vs. STAYING IN
Text from your friends start at 8 PM
All drinks at the bar will cost at least $10
Brought to you by Your Nagging Sense of Social Obligation
THE MILLENNIAL STRUGGLE OF THE MILLENNIUM!
Your social awkwardness presents...
The SMALL-TALK BALK, The GRAPPLE for your APPLE©,
The social media mélee you've been waiting for!
CHECKING YOUR PHONE vs. ACTUALLY TALKING TO A STRANGER
A HOUSEWARMING PARTY FULL OF PEOPLE YOU BARELY KNOW
You promised your roommate you wouldn't be back until 11 PM
An app you can play alone in the corner of the room only costs $1
Brought to you by the collective phobia of social interaction brought on by our species' rapidly increasing dependence upon with technology.
A DIRTY DATE WITH DESTINY
Your last pair of boxers presents...
The PURGE in DETERGENT, The QUANDARY in your LAUNDRY
A Night of Weighing the Options of Waiting
DOING LAUNDRY vs. DOING LAUNDRY TOMORROW
THIS MONDAY AFTER WORK
THE OKAY LAUNDROMAT NEAR YOUR HOUSE
There's a better one but it's only open to till 7 and it's already 9:30
$4 IN FUCKING QUARTERS
Brought to you by the crusty bedsheets that you haven't washed for over a month.
A STOMACH RUMBLING BATTLE ROYAL
Your dumb, hungry body presents...
The BIG SANDWICH PICKLE, The LUNCHTIME GRINDER GRIND
The World's Most Sub-par Sub Debate
EATING AN ENTIRE FOOTLONG SANDWICH vs. SHOWING SOME GODDAMN RESTRAINT AND SAVING THE REST FOR LATER
THIS THURSDAY AFTERNOON
YOUR LUNCH BREAK
You know it'll taste gross, but you also know you'll be hungry again by 5 PM
But seriously, the thing was only $5 so really, do whatever you WANT with it.
Brought to you by a misguided hunger for subway after smelling their vented bread steam from 10 blocks way.
THE GREATEST FIGHT THIS SIDE OF THE COMMENT SECTION
Your lack of responsibility presents...
The RUMBLE on TUMBLR, The WI-FIGHT at TWI-LIGHT!
The World Wide Web of Weariness
SLEEPING vs. THE INTERNET
Fuck how is it already 3 AM I have to wake up in 4 hours.
Holy shit I can't believe someone's selling this replica Master Sword on Ebay for only
Brought to you by your inability to look away from the infinite reaches of that safe, rectangular glow.