Welcome to Rough Love, the column where we share your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories. If you think you can top this batch of rough loving, submit your story at the bottom of this page.

Thanks For the Threesome, Cosmo


I usually despise the women's magazines my girlfriend reads, with the lame tips about men and personal surveys — they never lead to anything worthwhile. However, I just received this text message from her: "I just took a sex quiz- and apparently I need to spice it up. If we have that 3some I get 5 points!" I suddenly have a change of heart and I am considering getting her ating her a permanent, lifetime subscription to Cosmo, Glamour, Women's Health, and any others I can come across.- Allen H

My friends, my girlfriend and I were having a summer party at my gf's place. After a while, we started telling dirty jokes, each one getting progressively more perverse than the previous ones. After laughing for a bit, there was a lull in the conversation. To break the silence and get everyone back to telling dirty jokes, i wiggled my fingers in front of everyone and shouted "AaaaaaaannnnnndddddÂ… TENTACLES!" It did not have the desired effect. Now my friends call me the tentacle monster, and my girlfriend calls me her "little pet cephalopod". I fully expect her to sing that to the tune of "My little pony" when I'm vulnerable.- Ameer T

I study Computer Science. My girlfriend goes to university this year so she asked me to clear out her laptop for her because "It's way too heavy and takes too long to load sometimes". I was intrigued by this and asked her what she meant by "too heavy". She then proceeded to tell me that she gets a back ache carrying it round in her bag. So i now realize my girlfriend believes girlfriend believes a laptops weight correlates to how full the hard drive is. Thank God she's taking photography.- Tom C

I once had a girlfriend who was probably one of the best girlfriends I've had, however she was the craziest ex girlfriend I've ever had. She put cat poo in my mailbox, she wrecked my apartment and broke the lock to the door, stalked me,and all that crazy girlfriend shit. So it's been about 4 years since we have broken up and I have completely forgotten about her. Now my dad is getting married to some young girl apparently around my age, and I haven't met her yet and was going to meet her at the reception for my dad's wedding. So before meeting her I ask my brother what's she like, and my brother described her as being really hot and nice. So the reception day comes and I meet her and she is really hot and nice. However it turns out that she was my ex girlfriends older sister, and guess who was there? Jesus save my soul.- Jason M

I was at my boyfriend's, giving him a quick blowjob, when he came and I suddenly felt a line of heat traveling up my nostrils. I ignored it and finished up said blowjob. I later found out that yes, it was some of his cum I had accidentally inhaledÂ… needless to say, I was sneezing on and off for an hour. He won't ever let me forget that day. Ever.- Samantha N

My boyfriend is the best, and deepest sleeper I've ever met. I enjoy doing sexual things to him in his sleep, such as whispering naughty things in his ear, blowjobs, and licking and sucking anything I want without him waking up and moaning like a whore. I've even ridden him, roughly, while he was asleep and he never woke up. But whenever I whisper in his ear "Wake up, it's time time to fuck" he instantly awakes.- Emily H

I was really close to dating this one guy who had courted me for close to four months. I finally fall for him and one night he decided to ignore me. The next I find out he's dating a woman as old as my mother who has a kid that's in his senior year of high school who hangs out with my younger sister. I am only 21 here. Now tell me that's not effed up.- Caroline M

My boyfriend and I are long-distance while we go to different colleges 4 hours away. I know his birthday & everything about him by heart, and I assumed he did as well. His birthday is August 18th, and I made sure to call him and text him and send him a very large, extensively thought-out gift in the mail. Due to an important weekend activity and my inability to drive to visit him, we skyped for 3 hours that night, at midnight so that I could be the first to wish him a happy birthday. I did everything I could to make his birthday very, very special. Now, my birthday was on August 25th, so you'd think it'd be quite easy for him to remember that mine is a week after his. However, although I dropped numerous hints throughout the week, I didn't hear from him all day on my birthday. The next time we skyped, August 26th, he asked how the previous day was. I told him I had a fun time out to dinner with my friends. His response: "Oh? What was the occasion?" My response: "..my birthday.." His response "Your gift from me is already in the mail!" Too bad he didn't know his mike was on and I could hear him saying "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I fucking forgot, ohhhhh shit" under his breath. Nice.- Allie B

Sophmore year of college I was basically living in my girlfriends room. I've gotten pretty comfortable and even left clothes there (including but not limited to dirty boxers). Parents weekend rolls around and my girlfriend's roommates mother (who apparently is a neat freak) washed and therefore touched my dirty underwear. She left them folded on my girlfriends bed with a post-it that said "Make better choices".- Ben M