Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
"Can't Stop" and "Blurred Lines" Are Actually The Same Music Video
July 9, 2013
First, a brightly-colored sans serif font announces the track title and artist's name.
The video takes place against a muted background. All the coolest parties in 2013 happen in beige voids.
The artist is sporting sunglasses and a classic "short on the sides, long on top" hairdo (aka the Reverse DeVito).
The video prominently features a woman in red lipstick, a white crop top, visible white bra, white pants, and what's evidently her mom's old costume jewelry.
You know, the "sexy insane asylum patient" look.
Sometimes she wears a children's toy on her back.
Later, she puts on a pair of enormous white platform sneakers.
which probably make it hard to use her old-fashioned stationary bike, but she doesn't give up! Good for her.
Let's hope she's on the lookout for secondhand smoke. Because it will be blown at her.
At some point, a head appears near a body part that heads aren't usually near.
Creepy non-human face? Check.
Dorky side-to-side swaying? Check.
Oversized toy version of an everyday object? Check.
Someone holds a goat. Honestly, I don't mean to be a jerk about this, but if you don't walk around holding a goat this summer, you're an absolute nobody.
Wait a second, is that blood? Oh no, it's okay, it's a fake hand.
And also, you know, butts. Just lots and lots of butts.
Of course, the
are totally different. One's an accessible, poppy single with a catchy hook and a repetitive, droning two-note chorus that will get stuck in your head for days. The other is oh. Huh. Hmm.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.