Dear Laptop,

There comes a time when you have to face the facts, swallow your pride and admit you were wrong…and now is one of those times. I've done a lot of dumb stuff and you've taken a lot of the blame. You've been my scapegoat, my fall guy, my Leon Trotsky, and for that I am sorry. (Also thank you for helping me google Leon Trotsky).

I'm sorry for the time I pretended your internet was cutting in and out so I could stop video chatting with my parents. I love them and all, but I can only take so many shots of John Meowkolvich lying around in my old room that they turned into a home gym/office/fat, lazy cat sanctuary.

I'm sorry for when I claimed your hard drive crashed and prevented me from handing in my paper that I had 3 months to write. In my defense, the only other option I had was actually writing it (which we both know wasn't really an option)… I guess I could have faked the untimely passing of a made up relative, but that felt a little worse on the karma scale.

And I can't say I am sorry enough for when I threw you across the room and blamed you for being in the way of the beer I spilled. I was drunk, and like i've said a million times before…I didn't mean it.

Sometimes my frustration gets the best of me, but you have to admit it's not always all

my fault…like what is this move you're pulling? Why is this indented?? Why are you automatically indenting all of a sudden??! Perfect. This is just great. After four paragraphs, you're right laptop, I want to indent this one, just after the 1st line! THAT ISN'T TOTALLY UNNECESSARY and PREPOSTEROUS OR ANYTHING!!!

Ok…ok…let's take a deep breath. We both got a little crazy there. I'm sorry for the caps lock- there's no reason to talk to you like that. I'm also sorry for hitting you, there is NO excuse for that. And based on that noise which sounds like you have a chain saw inside you or that loose propeller from Titanic, I'm guessing you're not too pleased either. I am really sorry. Also, thank you for autocorrecting 'unnecessary' and recognizing 'propostourous' as 'preposterous.' Where would I be without you?

Now let's turn off the lights, boot up those downloaded versions of Smallville, check my ex-girlfriend's Facebook profile, and have a night just you and me!

Dear Laptop, Im Sorry


images via Shutterstock