1. Army Hand Grenade Soap

It's never too early to teach your kids how to use a live grenade in the bath. Go ahead and pull the safety off, then rub the grenade all over your body for a good, clean, explosively fun shower.

etsy


2. Jelly Scented Soap Bar With Toy Finger

I find it hard to understand why a parent would want his child to get a free, bloody, severed finger along with his soap bar. Unless that parent is Dexter.

etsy


3. Plastic Doll Toy- Ethnic- African American- Black- With Bangles

Seriously, if you're going to sell a doll that looks like old racist Disney cartoons and describe it as "African American", at least don't add the words "Ethnic" and "Black" to it.

etsy


4. Teine The Fire God Marionette

It's never too early to expose your children to cults. Let your kid be special in class by giving him his own religious beliefs to discuss in sunday school. Bonus points: make your child's new toy look like a demon going into labor.

etsy


5. Soapified Kelly Osbourne Figure Soap

Of all the celebrities to soapify (is that a word?), Etsy chose former reality star and rock 'n' roll daughter turned fashion police officer, Kelly Osbourne. Now she can judge your children's wardrobe right there in the bath! Assuming they bathe with clothes, of course.

etsy


6. 2 Vegan Pistol Decorative Soaps

"I have no problem with you playing with fire arms, son. As long as they're vegan".

etsy


7. Cassie Mini Munny Art Toy

This is the actual description in this creepy murderous doll's item page:

"Cassie's parents didn't want her to watch cartoons, they only wanted her to watch scary movies. So after 4 days watching scary movies she got up, got dressed and now she wants to play doctor with you!"

etsy


8. 1984 Goo Goo Puppet Baby Doll

I don't know what kind of creepy toys they had in the '80s, but this doll looks like a premature stillborn baby. A good idea to give to your offspring, if you want them to feel lucky to simply be alive.

etsy


9. Bizarre Child Body Parts Torso Soap- Strange

Even Etsy is admitting this item isn't supposed to be in the kids section. Calling it "Strange" and "Bizarre" doesn't make my severed child body parts shopping any easier, you know!

etsy