1. You used to be a baby.
2. When you first came out you were covered in goo.
3. But this lady was still all up in your grill anyway.
4. That lady was your mom.
5. You call your mom "Mom."
6. You'd be really mad if someone said she had chest hair.
7. You're a fully-grown human now.
8. And get excited about anything that takes away from the loneliness of your existence by connecting you with other fully-grown humans, even if it's a pandering list.
Alex Watt is on Twitter, Tumblr and an ego trip.