Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you've done to your roommate. If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins at the bottom of this page.
I really appreciated that you got me a birthday present- A pedegg. Now, not only do my feet look great, but I put the shavings into your Parmesan cheese. I know how much you love to dump that stuff on your pasta, you fat whore.- K.G.
Dear Anne remember how Duke medical school revoked your admission? Well, maybe next time you'll think before bitchslapping someone and having your friends make me feel like shit for an entire semester. I guess you forgot that my best friend's dad is the chair of the admissions committee. Good luck in the Carribbean Grenada is a great med school
- Pat M.
Greg you know how your girlfiend leaves your room at night because your "snoring is too loud"? Remember how she says he slept on the sofa? Well she doesn't she comes into my room and and for the passed three weeks we have been having sex. Well want to hear some funny news? She is pregnant
. Have fun with that, the only reason she stays with you is because your family is family is loaded
- Travis R.
My roomies are complete assholes to me. They leave me notes about how I need to "do my damn dishes." I could never figure it out until I realized that one of them were using my dishes while I was away and leaving it for me to clean to make it look like I used it so she didnt have to clean it. So one day she made muffins, and my guy friend stuck them down his boxers and rubbedand rubbed them all over his sweaty balls. Bon apetit, fat lard.- Cayleigh H.
Dear Ex-Roomy, Your feet smell so bad that when you sleep I Febreze them. One night I couldn't find my Febreze so I used that cologne you spent so much money on, honestly I like the febreze more. Oh and sorry for pissing on the pile of rubbish you live in.- Brian O.
Hey Joe, remember when you found that white "toothpaste" dried and stuck to your toothbrush and you said "oh well" and went ahead and brushed your teeth anyways? Yeah, well clean something eventually and maybe you won't be brushing your teeth with my "special" toothpaste.- Ryan S.
Hey hun, you know how you spent the year leaving me nasty notes every time I did something you didn't like, a.k.a. differently from how your mom did it? And how you called me a bitch who made your life unbearable? And how you complained whenever I brought my boyfriend over, just because no one would date your fat ass? Or the time you chewed me out for having people over while you were out of town- for lunch, which they cleaned up? The reason I haven't broken your nose or your precious kitty figurines yet is that all year long, I've been using your scissor to trim my pubes. You might want to try it, maybe if you made any effort to tame that jungle you've got going on down there you could get someone interested. But you'd probably open your fat mouth then, so maybe not.- J.T.
Remember that time when all of a sudden your girlfriend started getting lots of strange spam mails, her profile info on Facebook and Hi5 got changed, and her Hotmail inbox got deleted? Well I did that after you let her use my computer without my permission and left all of the windows opened. Why didn't you just let her use your own damn computer?- Paul S.
Roommate, Remember how you used to get UTIs all first semester? and how the health center told you to perhaps do your laundry more and to buy new underwear? well, maybe you should have taken their suggestions rather than take my underwear. I pumiced my feet in them and put them back in your drawer. I also had my boyfriend and all his friends jizz on them. As if that was not enough, i gave them to the girl across the hall to wear during her period. You really should invest in your own underwear instead of stealing mine.-Arielle M.