8 Dumb Mistakes You Will Make as a FirstTime Drinker

  1. You

    Wow, this drink is great! You can't even taste the alcohol!

  2. Them

    The mark of a good drink!

  3. You

    What's in this anyway?

  4. Them

    Malibu Coconut Rum, Boone's Farm Wine, Godiva Chocolate Liqueur, and Mike's Hard Twisted Green Tea Fuzionne. Y'know, stuff that no one outside of college actually drinks.

  5. You

    Sounds like just the thing my stomach needs!

  6. THE NEXT DAY

  7. Mr. Hangover

    WAKE UP, MOTHERFUCKER!

  8. You

    Oh... Oh no.


8 Dumb Mistakes You Will Make as a FirstTime Drinker

  1. You

    Can I get a scotch on the rocks with a twist?

  2. Bartender

    Isn't that the same drink the detective orders in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

  3. You

    ... I don't think... I don't... NO.

  4. Bartender

    All right, what kind of scotch do you want?

  5. You

    ...

  6. Bartender

    ...

  7. You

    On second thought, I'll have a white russian.

  8. Bartender

    Uh huh, like in The Big Lebowski?

  9. You

    Heh, heh, what? The Big...? I don't know.

  10. Bartender

    Remind me what goes into that again?

  11. You

    ...

  12. Bartender

    That's what I thought. It's vodka, kahlua, and milk.

  13. You

    Sounds like just the thing my stomach needs!


8 Dumb Mistakes You Will Make as a FirstTime Drinker

  1. You

    Oh, man, I drank soooo much last night: I had a couple whisky sours, and, like, twelve beers, and I played three games of pong, and then it was kind of a blur, but I think I drank something out of a funnel, it was crazy.

  2. Them

    Oh, yeah, totally. I went grocery shopping the other day and I bought an apple, and an onion, and, like, a GALLON of orange juice, then I went back and got another onion and --

  3. You

    Ugh, this is boring. Why would you tell me this?

  4. Them

    ...

  5. You

    Anyway, I'm going to drink so much tonight. I've got it all in my room: a handle of rum, a case of beer...


8 Dumb Mistakes You Will Make as a FirstTime Drinker

  1. You

    Dude! Dude, you're pouring that beer all wrong. You're supposed to tilt the glass slightly until the very end. Good thing I'm here to help you, beer-drinking extraordinaire that I am.

  2. Them

    Whatever.

  3. You

    Whatever!? Sir! It's like you don't even care that beer is made from malted barley, water, yeast, and hops.

  4. Them

    What? Who gives a shit?

  5. You

    Alcohol starts with the letter "A".


8 Dumb Mistakes You Will Make as a FirstTime Drinker

  1. You

    Need that bottle opened? Here's a neat little trick I saw once.

  2. BANG

  3. You

    Ow.

  4. BANG

  5. You

    Ow.

  6. BANG

  7. You

    Ow. No, I've got it. Trust me. I'll just use my belt buckle.

  8. FUMBLE

  9. You

    Man, that thing is really stuck on there.

  10. BANG.

  11. SHATTER.

  12. BLOOD.

  13. You

    ... Well... it's open.


8 Dumb Mistakes You Will Make as a FirstTime Drinker

  1. Them

    Okay, everyone, this is the Boondock Saints drinking game. Here's a list of twenty-four different rules. Drink whenever one of these things happens.

  2. You

    How am I supposed to remember all these?

  3. Them

    Don't worry I'll yell "drink" in the most annoying way possible when one of these things happens. Incidentally, this will happen almost all the time ensuring that you no longer enjoy the movie, the drinking, or my presence here.

  4. You

    Cool. Question: one of these rules is "drink when something awesome happens." Isn't that a little subjective?

  5. Them

    Yeah, basically just drink whenever you want.

  6. You

    This game is great.


8 Dumb Mistakes You Will Make as a FirstTime Drinker

  1. You

    All right, SHOTS! Let's DO THIS!

  2. You take the shot.

  3. You scrunch up your face like you're doing your best impression of a cat's asshole.

  4. You

    BuhLAaaaagh! BUH! Bleh! Peh! Gimme a chaser!

  5. GULP

  6. You

    Oh yeah. Ha! WOOO! Yeah! Fuck yeah! That was a BAD-ASS teeny tiny sip of vodka.


8 Dumb Mistakes You Will Make as a FirstTime Drinker

  1. You

    I should have gotten the pizza. What the fuck is wrong with me?