10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

Oh yeah, there's nothing annoying about the girl reacting to a joke by shouting "Haaaaaaaa" at the decibel and nasal-congestion levels of Fran Drescher with a head cold. Only kidding, that was sarcasm. There is something annoying about that: everything.

When I Do It:

She obviously has a lot of confidence in what she finds funny. Kind of like Louis C.K. or someone. No, scratch that, EXACTLY like Louis C.K.

10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

Aw, poor wittle baby doesn't want to touch the garbage? Neither does anyone else. We'd all love to just keep smooshing the trash down in the pail so we're not the ones pushing the level over the point where the lid won't close, but that's not how the adult world works.

When I Do It:

Uh, she's not even making most of that trash. Except for that one takeout container. Well, two takeout containers, because she had to order a second thing to meet the delivery minimum. But the rest isn't hers. Why should she clean up after you? Because she's a WOMAN? Sexist.

10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

This is disgusting in every way. Her hands are dirty germ motels and she's shoving them into her mouth to gnaw on them obsessively and then spit out the pieces she's bitten off onto the floor, that cross-eyed freak. Even when she's not in the vile act of chewing bits of her skin off, her hands are grossing everyone out with how knobbled and bloody and deformed they are. You know, from all the time she's spent RIPPING HOLES IN HER OWN BODY WITH HER TEETH.

When I Do It:

She's got a lot on her mind, I can tell. She looks so intelligent, but also worried! She's probably thinking about the situation in Egypt. Yes, definitely Egypt and not whether everyone she knows secretly thinks she's annoying. Just in case, we better tell her again about how great we all think she is.

10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

OW. That guy just stepped on my foot! What an asshole. He's just shoving people out of the way like they don't have feelings or nerve endings. Not even an "excuse me." You know, just because we're all herded together in a mindless crowd doesn't mean we've actually become farm animals.

When I Do It:

Hi, Badass Patrol? Me again. I'm calling to report a second offense.

10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

Welp, he is the worst. I bet he's guilty of all the stuff he's complaining about. I bet he also whines about how much attention the Kardashians get and doesn't understand that he's one of the people giving them more attention. It's like, if you don't like something, just don't pay attention to it! God!

When I Do It:

LOL. Funny article. I'm gonna post it to Facebook.