10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

That guy needs to shut up. He's just bragging. Yes, even if he prefaces the post with a self-deprecating joke or use an intentionally awkward phrasing to show how uncomfortable he is with his own blatant attention-grab. And don't try to act like he's actually hoping people will see his post and go to the show. No one in the history of time has ever seen a tweet about a comedy show with a "killer lineup tonight" and decided to attend it because of that tweet. It has never happened.

When I Do It:

Um, she has fans. They want to know when she performs.

10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

Wow, she is disgusting. Anything positive I initially thought about her ability to be a civilized member of society has been dashed to the rocks at the sound of that first phlegmy hack. Like, is she even covering her mouth? It's so selfish. She obviously cares more about her own comfort than not getting a hundred strangers sick with whatever disease she picked up in the rat-infested abandoned warehouse she's probably squatting in.

When I Do It:

Oh my gosh that poor girl! She's clearly sick and deserves our most sympathetic looks. She's all frail and delicate in her time of need. Coughing makes her look really skinny, actually.

10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

Unless these two are literally Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (which they definitely aren't because those two have class), they should not be groping each other in public. Does anyone need to see a stranger's tongue getting rhythmically and repeatedly crammed into another stranger's mouth? No. And it's making us hate sex. Cut it out.

When I Do It:

Young love! It's beautiful! Anyone who doesn't like watching this is just jealous and alone.

10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

Oh my God. This guy clearly hasn't yet learned that no one except his mom cares about how stressed, tired, hungry, or cold he is, and even she would appreciate if he called her about something other than a complaint once in a while.

When I Do It:

She's being honest about what's going on in her life in the hopes of connecting with another human soul. It's called BRAVERY. Maybe you've heard of it?

10 Things That Are Annoying When Other People Do Them and Cute When I Do Them

When Other People Do It:

Gross. What, his busy schedule of LARPing in his tighty-whities can't spare the extra four seconds it would take to reach up and grab a cup? Using differentiated containers to store and drink liquids is one of the few remaining behaviors that set us apart from raccoons and bears and Ron Burgundy in that one scene of Anchorman when he's sad.

When I Do It:

Hello, Badass Patrol, can you connect me to the Cool Kids Division? Because I've got a dope lady who doesn't give a f*ck to report.