United States: Facebook
Sure, it may seem like a friendly and welcoming place embraced by millions, but in actuality it's driven by a desire for the cold hard dollar. Yet no one, itself included, has any idea how it could actually make any money to climb out of its stock-market-failing crisis. Also has a worrying tendency to keep a close eye on everything you do online.
Keeps trying to sell you shit you don't actually need. Okay, their stuff might have some questionable origins, but come on, it's a real bargain! And that's how, in just two short decades, you have helped to create a ruthless economic powerhouse eager to swallow your disposable income.
Mexico: The Pirate Bay
Whatever happens there had better stay there. Sure, it might provide you with some permissible entertainment, but admit it, you go there for the illegal wares. No surprise then it makes governments elsewhere so jittery.
Canada: Huffington Post.
An inspiring place filled with quirky worldviews and down-to-earth attitudes, but it's like an inoffensive neighbor: sensible yet lacking any real punch. Led by someone with a funny accent.
A vast and fascinating wonderworld filled in equal measure with knowledge and bizarreness. And it's about as reliable as a Doberman Pinscher on a bad acid trip. Its ancient infrastructure gives it an outdated look, and makes it surprisingly easy to corrupt. Still, apparently, it's good with its science-y bits.
Efficient, organized, and a renowned supplier of electronics and literature. Just don't mention their ruthless competitiveness. Or their questionable management ethics.
The Netherlands: Buzzfeed
Kinda cutesy-looking, but let's be honest, you go there because it's a stoner's paradise. No other place satisfies your cravings for retronauting and trivia-binging better ("Dude, I'm telling you: Scott Baio's mom in Charles in Charge was played by John Travolta's sister!"). And then the buzz wears off, leaving you to hate yourself a little bit more over how much time you wasted there.
It might be filled with the most amazing images and be a rich portal for culture, but for the love of God don't try to interact with anyone there unless you want to get rudely shouted at.
No, we can't think of anyone who goes there either.