The Old Fashioned is the quintessential cocktail. Classy, with just the right levels of sweet and bitter notes. And you can make one at home right now!

 

How to Make the Perfect Old Fashioned


- Grab an Old Fashioned Glass.

- It's a glass with straight sides.

- No, that's a juice tumbler.

- That's a pint glass.

- That's... I don't know -- it looks like a holographic souvenir cup from Medieval Times?

- Alright, whatever. Any glass will do.

- Not that. That's a shot glass.

- I know what I said but that's obviously too small.

- But we're NOT the size of "little fairies."

- No, you don't look like a giant. You just look like a guy with a shot glass.

- Stop stomping around.

- I know. We're just trying to get something done here.

- Just use a normal-sized glass.

- Fine. That's a mug, but whatever, fine.

 

How to Make the Perfect Old Fashioned

 

- Put a little bit of sugar into the... mug.

- Why not?

- I'm not a baker either, but I have sugar.

- Are you... crying?

- Stop that. You're doing fine.

- If you have nothing else, then sure, you can use Pixie stix.

- I guess grape is fine. Orange might be better.

- THEN USE GRAPE! They're both shitty. I don't care.

- Stop crying.

- I'm sorry.

- Now add juuuuust a bit of water.

- No!

- I know "a bit" isn't exact, but that's, like, half the mug.

- No, don't dump it out. Let's just... let's just keep going.

 

 

How to Make the Perfect Old Fashioned

 

- Bitters are... nevermind. If you didn't have sugar you certainly don't have these.

- Just skip it. Fuck it.

- It's fine. It'll be fine.

 

 

How to Make the Perfect Old Fashioned

 

- Add two ounces of rye or bourbon.

- About a shotglass full.

- Yes NOW you can use the shotglass.

- Stop stomping around.

 

 

How to Make the Perfect Old Fashioned


- If you like, add ice and garnish with a lemon peel. Some people include an orange slice and a maraschino cherry, but a purist would object to this.

- Or a banana. Why not? Just shove it in there. I don't care anymore.

- Of course not. It's a banana, not a straw.

 

 

How to Make the Perfect Old Fashioned

 

- I know it's disgusting.

- Because you didn't do it right!

- Stop crying.