Brought to you by The Pills (Presented by Beats by Dr. Dre)
Everything you could possible ever need to print in college can either be printed in the computer lab in your dorm, or not printed and just emailed instead because it's 2013 and who still prints stuff? If you do bring a printer, it will just break and/or run out of ink immediately, and it will just sit uselessly in the corner, doing nothing, until one night when you accidentally bump it and it makes a scary whirring sound for an hour.
What, are you a grandma in a nursing home trying to surround yourself with tangible memories? Facebook exists. If you want to see a picture of your mom, you can just go to her Facebook page and see that one photo of her from your family vacation 3 years ago that she accidentally uploaded four times. You don't need that hanging on your wall.
You need books in college, but you don't need to bring books. Every class you take will make a buy hundreds of dollars worth of books, and your dorm room will only come equipped with one rickety wall shelf that isn't sturdy enough to hold your textbooks anyway. Yeah, you think you'll look cool and smart having your pretentious literature on display in your room, but leave them at home. We've all read "On the Road."
Great, you saw a movie about college once. Cool. Those movies were full of lies. The biggest one being that your freshman dorm room will have any space for a huge, stupid bean bag chair. It won't. And, even if it did, your strongest asset in the pursuit of hooking up in college is that most dorm rooms have nowhere to sit except the bed. Don't cock block yourself with a sack beans.
Yes, you will eventually end up buying a stupid amount of ramen, but there's no reason to start in on that sad reality right from the start. Use your dining hall swipes. Eat vegetables. Then, after you've run out of pre-paid meals, and you've made enough friends that you spend all your money on fun activities, THAT'S when you buy the ramen.
There's a very good chance that the bathroom in your freshman dorm will be a long hallway away from your room, so you might think that you'd like a modest cover-up for the long walk there any back, and let's not even get into the potential horrors of a mid-shower fire drill, but the reality is that you will stop caring about modesty almost immediately. You will hear every intimate sound your floormates' bodies make, and they will hear the same sounds come from your body. A little terry cloth isn't going to return your dignity.
You don't know how to use that, and even if you did, you can't afford any of the liqueurs or mixers needed to make cocktails that require a cocktail shaker. Maybe next year, kiddo.