5. What's the Deal With Clown Girl?
You know, Misty. The girl in Laney's art class who tells her to kill herself and later makes fun of Laney by asking, "How does it feel? A rich girl like me, with a scholarship to her first-choice art school, and here you are, cleaning up my puke?" Now, don't get me wrong, I totally relate to this girl. I know when I drink too much and am hunched over a toilet, the #1 thing I most feel like doing is belittling someone of a lower socioeconomic class. But the taunt (and Laney's subsequent clown-painting revenge) just does not fit in with the rest of the movie. Clown girl isn't one of the popular people, and she isn't really making fun of Laney for being uncool. She's PARTLY making fun of her for being poor, but like...also for being bad at art? Being nice enough to hand her a tissue? (Also, does she always pack face paint in her makeup bag? Because no way could regular makeup create that texture of clown face in those colors.) I mean...it's not about disrespect, it's just gas.
6. There Is So, So Much Dancing
Man, good thing that hackeysack scene was the only inexplicably long scene of someone doing a dumb activity that doesn't advance the plot or themes of the movie, right? WRONG. Brock's solo dance number at Preston's party and the synchronized dance scene at the prom last for two minutes each. And ABOUT that synchronized dance scene at the prom! So Usher the school DJ taught them this dance? That's cool. When did they practice it? How come everyone knows it perfectly? How come everyone's participating, even characters like Laney who would never ever take part in a group synchronized dance? How come she participates AND THEN tells Zack adorably later that night that he can have the "first" dance, EVEN THOUGH SHE ALREADY DANCED AT THE PROM? You know, Laney, you really should be more careful with silk. AND LIES.
7. The Prom Night Attempted Rape Is Treated Extremely Casually
For starters, everyone at this school is way, way too quick to assume that Dean is a rapist. Fine, Dean got a hotel room, but don't they realize that as long as he doesn't sexually assault her, Laney can just...not have sex with him? Of course, to their credit, it turns out that Dean actually DOES try to rape her, but Laney and Zack brush this off with a quick chuckle about how they hope the foghorn Laney blew in his ear doesn't cause permanent damage. Haha, yes, laughing is the appropriate response here! Instead of, I don't know, calling the police?
8. Zack Is Allowed to Go to Graduation Naked
Anyone who has ever graduated from high school knows that it usually involves a long period of lining up, marching with your classmates past your parents and relatives, and sitting for hours while everyone else's name is called. Despite the fact that adult supervision at this high school appears to be extremely minimal, there is simply no way Zack would be allowed to make it that far into the ceremony wearing only his honors sash and a soccer ball. Good luck getting a scholarship to study squid-fishing in Borneo now, buddy. And with that, I have made my decision. Super-size my balls.