(Four friends sitting around dorm room)
Mike: Wow I AM TIRED.
Paul: Yeah, me too.
Mike: LATE night. LATE LATE Night.
Chris: You guys wanna do something tonight?
Mike: Oh, man. I have got to take it easy, especially after last night. I got like NO rest.
Ben: Yeah, me neither. I had to finish this annoying paper.
Mike: Oh I wasn’t doing HOMEWORK. I was doing someb
(phone goes off)
Mike: Jesus. I hope that’s not YOU KNOW WHO!
Ben: Your mom?
(they all laugh)
Mike: No dipshit, not my mom. The girl I fu
Paul: That reminds me, I have to get a new phone.
(Mike picks up)
Mike: (into phone quietly) Heymomlemmecallyoubackbye.
(everybody cracks up)
Mike: Sluts, dude.
Chris: Come on lets do something!
Mike: I was doing someBODY last n
Paul: Have you guys seen "Breach?" It's supposed to be good.
Mike: Paul, can i get a fucking word in? Do you mind letting me talk? I’m serious!
Paul: Sorry. What were you going to say?
Mike: No. Now I’m not gonna tell you. Fuck you guys.
Paul: Kay, well. I’m sorry.
(Mike drops a condom wrapper)
Mike: Wo! Holy shit. Wow. Sorry. THIS is embarrassing. A CONDOM wrapper. Sorry bros.
Ben: It’s not a wrapper, there’s a condom in there too.
Mike: Yeah Well
Mike: That’s one of three. The other two were USED and ABUSED.
Chris: No they weren’t. I can see them. They fell out when you picked up your phone.
Mike: (quickly / loudly) I had unprotected sex last night!
Girl: You said you wouldn't tell anybody!
Mike: I'm so sorry, baby. They practically beat it out of me.