4. Are You My Mother? as adapted by Charlie Kaufman

 

Are You My Mother? is abouta baby bird who hatches from its egg while its mother is gone to find food. In Charlie Kaufman's version, the baby bird would be born in a junkyard in the shadow of an American city where everything is tinted blue.After travelling the city and his MIND, he'd eventually find his way back to the nest to find out his mother wasn't even looking for him. (SPOILER: His mom's addicted to mescaline and the nest is full of holes.)

  

EXT. CHEERLESS JUNKYARD - Day

 

The junkyard is cluttered, dusty. The wind whistles. Baby Bird approaches the Automobile.

 

BABY BIRD

(whispers)

Are you my mother?

 

The Automobile doesn't react.

 

BABY BIRD

(with more volume)

Are you my mother?

 

The Automobile sighs, and turns away.

 

BABY BIRD

Please. I'm scared.

 

The Automobile limps away. The size of the junkyard seems to swallow Baby Bird. NOTE: THE DIRECTOR'S CUT WILL END HERE.  

 

5. Green Eggs and Ham as adapted by Spike Lee

 

Green Eggs and Ham is about an insufferable little shit named Sam-I-Am who incessantly asks an unnamed character to try green eggs and ham until the character tries them. The moral of the story being: kids, if a stranger asks you to ingest something that may or may not be food, the best thing is to just give in. In Lee's version, Sam-I-Am is a drug dealer who has 24 hours to sell off a kilo of a new drug called Eggs and Ham before his irascible supplier murders him. There's just one problem: Sam's nephew dropped that shit in some Nickelodeon Gak.

  

EXT. STREET CORNER - Day

 

Sam-I-Am

Hey, man, you want to get high?

 

Stranger

(Checks to see if the coast is clear)

Whatchu got?

 

Sam-I-Am

You heard of Eggs and Ham?

 

Stranger

That new drug that's only distinguishable from crack by its specifically yellow color? My boy Jaylen told me about that shit the other day. Said it messed him up. Said it was so yellow. You got some?

 

Sam-I-Am

Yeah, but, hey, it doesn't always have to be yellow, you know? It comes in green and blue sometimes.

 

Stranger

Yo, is that shit green?

 

Sam-I-Am

Yeah, but, like I said, there's lots of different types.

 

Stranger

No way, Sam. I wouldn't try that in my own house. Not even in my friends' house if he was spotting me or in his car if he was driving. Not on a boat or in this dude's plane I know who's a pilot. Not even then. Not even on a train.