Oh my God, this is really embarassing. I meant top ten inventions of 2004, but my delete key is broken. " . Jesus, how can I be so absentminded?! You build up a reputation after writing so many updates, I just don't wanna screw it up, ya know? Some people actually FIND me funny, and here I am losing their trust all over again. My dad was right, I am gonna blow this eventually. Anyways, ummm" okay, here's the top 5 inventions of 3004:

5) The Bread" Generator: Ever want a loaf of bread but you're too lazy to get off your" HOVERBOARD! Well now you can generate bread out of complete nothingness, which I think is a big deal in 3004. Do people still eat bread? You betcha! Info-bread! Each morsel brings you closer to enlightenment!

4) The Internet Again! Think back to a time before humans were just robots that were programmed to know everything and you'll remember a little entity known as the WORLD WIDE WEB! Well it's back and better than ever! This time you can play games over a wireless network and find recipes for your favorite snacks! But you will not feel any emotional intelligence as robots are still not capable of synthesizing real human feelings well until the 32nd century. But that doesn't matter because 3004 also marks the invention of" .

3) The Sun Not-Blowing up machine! Scientists in 2004 had called for a supernova of earths sun within a few millennia, which means at any given point our largest source of heat/energy/SPRINGBREAK!!! could simply explode, or implode, and reak instant havoc. However, since the sun is 93,000,000 miles away, we wouldn't feel the ramifications for at least 8 minutes after it exploded, which gives you plenty of time to finish those chores, little Billy! Buy your Sun-Not Blowing up machine today! And won't that machine look peachy keen next to"

2) AOL 10.0: "The company, a unit of the gigantic AOL Time Warner media combine, is touting AOL 10.0 as the most dramatic upgrade of its software and service ever. And the changes do seem to fall in line with the company's goal, as stated in a 28-page promotional booklet released to the press along with an advance version of the client, of providing "an Internet experience that is safer, more secure, effortless and makes it fun to be online." – aol.com

1) Caller Id-Block Block Block Block.: Finally the momentum shifts! It's time to exact revenge over those Caller ID Block Block Block users! This invention is indeed a dish best served cold. Watch their faces turn red with horror on the videophone I can only assume everybody owns by now!

The End.

Plugs! Our friends The Smut Dr's (of Internet Radio fame) have a new site called Net Foxes. So if you're a fan of hot girls, check that out here. Steve has a new Observational Humor out called Toasting Not Toasting. Also, Mindy has a new Sex column out called "Talking with the Wingman." If you're a girl, you should definitly read it to find out our little "secrets." Now view this series of actionable links.