Ah, College
"Strangers: Friends you haven't met. High school friends: Ones you don't talk to."

To this day, historians argue about what caused the eventual fall of the Roman Empire. What they probably wouldn't argue about, though, is what caused the eventual fall of my meal plan point balance. I think if the Roman Empire was allowed to use its points to order pizza over the phone until five in the morning, it would have collapsed even sooner. This has nothing to do with the issue. Just saying, is all.

-I just went to a party with a bunch of high school friends. Nothing has changed. Same personalities. They're chasing the same girls. And all they still talk about is high school. The only difference is that now I have more hair. I wasted money! I paid five thousand dollars for two semesters of college when I could have got the same results from a bottle of Rogaine.

-There's nothing harder than getting your old friends to talk about college. Not only do I think they didn't actually GO to college, but I don't think they've had any experiences at all since graduation. Somewhere a company freezes people after high school and thaws them periodically to talk about the same old crap at reunions.

-One of my friends has already gotten married from five months ago. It sort of made me think at least some of the people my age were starting to mature. Well, I did, anyway, until he said, "Yeah, but too bad she's isn't as hot as she was in high school anymore."

-I don't really mind talking about high school, but does anyone have the kind of friends who like to bring up stuff from the second grade? I don't remember second grade. I don't remember graduation night. Hell, I'd only been at the party for half an hour and I could barely remember where I parked.

-It doesn't make sense that the amount of reminiscing increases while soberness decreases. This leads to some pretty wild false memories. Some guy came up to me and recalled the time me and him pulled off the best prank in Maplewood High School history. I almost felt sad when I had to tell him, "I didn't go to Maplewood. And come to think of it…neither did you."

-Has it been that long since I left high school? One of my skinny friends has put on forty pounds since then. Turns out he went to culinary school and got hooked on huge fancy meals. I still said it was crazy that he gained so much weight. His reply: "My professor was really good." Good…or "mmm-mmm good"?

-The most annoying thing was that some of my friends referred to things as happening "last millennium". You're not Yoda! Just say it happened in tenth grade, okay?

-It's been a few months, but there's always that one guy who still has that same girlfriend back home waiting for him. You know, the same one he had since middle school? College was invented for experimenting. That's like going to a free all-you-can-eat buffet and saying you don't want any because you have food at home. Except for the fact that your food at home probably isn't cheating on you.