-How cool is my Dad, you ask? Well, he's just about the coolest Dad on the planet, in fact. You may think your Dad is cooler because he bought you beer in high school and smoked pot with you, but not only could my Dad kick your Dad's ass, he could also seduce your Mom while he's at it. No, he wasn't a party dad which I appreciated because I didn't want to lose any girlfriends to him. But, as you will see by the end of this article, he is the coolest Dad around" hands down.

-First off, he named me Streeter, which I think is pretty cool. I bet you're wondering where I got such an awesome name from. Well, naturally the most awesomest of people, my Dad. And, not only did he name me Streeter, HIS name is Streeter too. I'm a junior (in college and in nomenclature)!

-Just listen to this roster of cool things that he has done: Thrown out of the Grand Canyon for life, refused entry to Mexico for having long hair, shot at twice, punched out a DJ onstage for flicking him off, has an identical twin brother, climbed the entire Eiffel Tower, convinced me for years that Santa Clause was real, made his way back from upstate New York to New Haven, Connecticut in his underwear with a live chicken, was in the same frat as the dad from "The Wonder Years", once drank an entire bottle of Jack Daniels at 8 AM because he lost a bet involving retrieving the motor of a boat from the bottom of a lake, made an almost perfect replica of my house as a birdfeeder, shot my neighbor's window with a BB gun and then ran inside, AND, the greatest of all, won the Kenny Roger's Roasters annual Rib-a-thon consuming 36 ribs in 4 minutes.

-Not only has my Dad done a bunch of cool stuff, he is also naturally a cool guy. He can only watch TV if he is in his underwear, which used to scare some of my girlfriends, but I have since come to adopt the custom and find it quite enjoyable. He holds as his personal motto "DWAI-don't worry about it." However, any time I get a parking ticket or the bills come in, he seems to worry about it a lot. Now that my sister and I are out of the house, he has nothing left to complain about, so he has started to complain for other people, an uncanny feat. If he sees someone doing manual labor, he will always say, "Look at that guy, he hates his job." It's an amazing talent. Oh, he also knows a guy called Crazy Eddie who once beat a bear in a wresting match. If that isn't the coolest thing in the world, I don't know what is.

-But, if you still doubt the coolness of my Dad, listen to these testimonies.

-Tim Mullowney (my best friend), age 21: "You're Dad is awesome. Whenever I come home with you he makes me steak and lobster. Does he make that for you when you come home alone? No? Oh yeah, and he gave me $75 for the train that time" and it only cost $20!"

-My little sister, age 19: "Yeah, Dad rules. Remember that time he took me to H&M and let me buy whatever I wanted? Did he ever do that for you? No? Oh well, I'm pretty sure he still kind of likes you" even after that whole "'being a cocaine mule' thing."

-Susan Seidell (my Mom), age?: "I love your father and I have for more than 30 years. He has given me one wonderful daughter and you" oh well, second time's the charm! We love your sister. When are you going to get a real job?"

-Crazy Eddie, age 56: "Me and your Dad go way back" back to the cosmic underworld, when all the druids walked the chalk cliffs of Kent. Eiiiiiiiiiiiii! I almost made a buffalo, beatbox, beatbox, beatbox! Everything is in the drawer, goooooo. Eat the cake, eat the cake, EAT THE CAKE! Jesussssssssssssss ate my dog!

-My Dad, age 54: "This article is stupid, Street. It doesn't reflect what a loving father I have been to you. Plus, you left out all of my accomplishments in the social work and psychological fields. Did you know, I was the youngest director of a rehabilitation center in Connecticu" shit, "'NYPD Blue' is on" stop talking to me."

-My Dad is the coolest, and don't you say otherwise or he'll challenge you to a rib-a-thon and I don't think you want to be getting yourself mixed up in that, do you? I love you, Daddy!