If Lois Lane Respected Herself  

  1. Superman and Lois Lane at Lois's apartment. Superman (in his costume) puts on Clark Kent's glasses.
  2. Superman

    I'm so glad I can finally show you I'm--

  3. Lois Lane

    Fuck you.

  4. Superman

    What?

  5. Lois Lane

    We're done. Get out.

  6. Superman

    Whoa, whoa, I reveal that I'm Superman and you --

  7. Lois Lane

    You just revealed that you've lived a double life the entire time we've been together.

  8. Superman

    Well, yeah, but... didn't you always have a feeling I was...?

  9. Superman takes the glasses on and off.
  10. Lois Lane

    Okay, what's weirder: two people happening to resemble each other, or my honest newspaperman boyfriend and my "Truth Justice and the American Way Emphasis on Truth" superhero fling both not telling me that they're both the same Catfishing sonofabitch?

  11. Superman stops doing the glasses thing.
  12. Lois Lane

    Oh my god. You tricked me into cheating on you with you. Is that what gets you off?

  13. Superman

    Lois --

  14. Lois Lane

    Is anything you've ever told me true? Like, are you really from Kansas?

  15. Superman

    Yes!... Well, not really.

  16. Lois Lane

    You flew me to Smallville. I met your parents.

  17. Superman

    Well they... pretend to be my parents.

  18. Lois Lane

    What?!?!?

  19. Superman

    To make me seem normal!

  20. Lois Lane

    ...

  21. Superman

    Wow, hearing that out loud it could not sound less normal.

  22. Lois Lane

    I don't know if you know this, but I'm a catch. Okay? Like, I've been turning down Lex for years, and he's a self-made billionaire who's not allergic to rocks.

  23. Superman

    Yeah, just hair.

  24. Lois Lane

    At least tell me your name is really Clark Kent.

  25. Superman

    It is!

  26. Lois Lane

    Okay.

  27. Superman

    And also Superman.

  28. Lois Lane

    You son of a bitch.

  29. Superman

    Professionally! You know...

  30. Superman tugs at his logo.
  31. Lois Lane

    Right. Right, I guess that makes sense--

  32. Superman

    Also Kal-El. Cause I'm an alien!

  33. Lois Lane

    Get out.