In the spring of 2001, I addressed my high school class at graduation in what would be remember as one of the sweatiest graduation speeches ever delivered in my town's history. I don't really remember what I talked about but I can almost guarantee that somewhere in there was something about lasting relationships and continuing friendship. Now, three years later, I stay in touch with approximately eight people from my high school. It's not that I don't like the kids I graduated with, you just lose touch with people as the years roll by. But there's a problem.
In two years my five year reunion will take place and who gets to call everybody and let them know about it? You guessed it, me. That means I'll be making hundreds of phone calls to hundreds of people I haven't seen in half a decade. Here is how I imagine most of the calls will go.
"Hi, is this _______ ________?"
"Yeah, who's this?"
"Streeter Seidell, I graduated with you five years ago."
"Ohhhh yeahhh, we're you the sweaty one at graduation?"
"Well, it was really hot that day and" "
"Damn, you were sweating so bad even my grandma was saying how gross it was."
"Yeah, great. Anyways" " And so it goes.
I really do not want to encounter the awkwardness that these phone calls will bring, so I thought of a solution; email. If you graduated with me and have a working computer, please email me and tell me what's going on in your life. Who you're sleeping with, any ailments, crippling social anxiety, nerve damage, anything! This way I'll know a little bit about what you're up to before I have to call you. Sounds great, right?
"But Streeter, what if I didn't graduate with you? How can I help?" Unfortunately, you people didn't have the honor of knowing me in my younger, longer hair years. You were not there to see me wear the same Smashing Pumpkins shirt everyday or skip out to go to Pizza Hut for the lunch time pizza buffet. Sadly, there is nothing we can do about that. But, you can help my little investigation. If you know anyone who graduated from Daniel Hand High School in Madison, CT in 2001, tell them about this little article and give them my email address.
Will you receive a reward? Of course. If you successfully locate a member of my graduating class and I receive an email from them citing your name, you will receive a picture from my personal picture box. Yes, that seems like a weird reward, but I don't really have anything in excess except stupid pictures of myself from high school. Who knows, you could get the one of me eating jell-o, or maybe one of my sleeping in an airport, or a nude one if you're lucky.
If any of your finds ask what I am doing, you can tell them I am happily married and living in Ohio. Or maybe you can tell them I am taking a year to wander around Europe so I can "really find myself." No" I got it, tell them I live in The Bronx and do standup and go to college and don't have a girlfriend and spend way too much time watching E! It's Good To Be" yeah, that one will impress them.
So, what's happening with you Colby? Remember that time I called our math teacher at midnight, insuring I would get a c- in the class? Hey Will, how's the acting going? Timmmmmm, did they ever find your foot after the accident? Christian, are you still taller than me? Hello Bryn, are you still blonde? Tom, still playing drums? Amy and Laura, are you guys still twins? This is all stuff I would love to know before I have to call you. Please, drop me an email at email@example.com. And remember, if you find one of my classmates, you could receive a picture of me with my shorts jacked up real, real high. Happy hunting.