18 New Improved Ways To Say Screwed The Pooch

I still have no idea where the unsettling expression "Screwed The Pooch" came from and don't have the heart to Google it, but since it's already here to stay, why not just go the extra mile and truly embrace it? Here's 18 New, Improved Ways To Say "Screwed The Pooch" that I look forward to forcing into weird conversations in the near future:


Fingerbanged the Dolphin

 

 

Dry-Humped the Camel

 

 

Gave the Rhino a Reluctant Handjob

 

 

Went Down On the Chinchilla

 

 

Drunk-Sexted the Bee

 

 

Eiffel-Towered the Hippo

 

 

Masturbated While Thinking About the Ostrich

 

 

Lied About Hooking Up With the Starfish

 

 

Talked Dirty To the Zebra Then Got Self-Conscious About It Later

 

 

Told the Turkey You Came Too So You Could Get To Sleep

 

Booked a Hotel To Re-Kindle Your Romance With the Kodiak Bear

 

 

Made Out With The Lion-Tailed Macaque But Immediately Got Worried It Would Ruin Your Friendship

 

 

Got Too Drunk With the Platypus And Couldn't Finish

 

 

Talked All Night And Really Felt A Deep Connection With the Seahorse, Y'know?

 

 

Tried Butt-Stuff With the Marmoset

 

 

Discussed "Ultimate Fantasies" With the Rainbow Trout But Left It At "Maybe Someday"

 

 

Got Caught Checking Out the Tortoise and Tried To Play It Off Like It Was Someone You Recognized

 

 

Screwed the Pooch While Secretly Thinking About the Pooch's Hot Friend



Others? Leave 'em in the comments.