These New Baseball Statistical Categories Seem Too Specific

BATTING

ARISP - Agnostic Runners In Scoring Position

RBIWFSID - Runs Batted In While Feeling Sense Of Impending Doom

GSW - Grand Slams Witnessed

GIPOWGTA5 - Ground Into Player Obsessed With Grand Theft Auto 5.

HBPLC(RH) - Hit By Pitch in Left Calf (Really Hurt!)

 

BASERUNNING/FIELDING

BINN - Boring Innings
 

CSACW - Caught Stealing and Cheating on Wife

SBDMWWHBO - Stolen Bases During Month When Watching HBO Original Series

TBERRF - Total Bases Earned Running Really Fast

EFJIA- Errors In Fielding, Judgment As Independent Adult

 

PITCHING

GSIP - Gross Sneezes per Innings Pitched

SOTWHMDFLM - Strikeouts That Would Have Made Dad Finally Love Me

JBIBB - Jewish Batters Intentionally Walked

HRADLDC - Home Runs Allowed During Lame-Duck Congress

KKK - Number of three consecutive strikeouts and ancestral connections to Ku Klux Klan