How I Spent My Government Shutdown By John Boehner, Age 63
By Willie Muse
Last week, Barack Obama was being a stubborn meanie and the government closed. It is okay though because I am having a real good time.
Every morning, Rosa makes me blueberry pancakes with a bacon smiley face. She puts pumpkin in them so they look like me. She is the best. I hope people don't find out her immigration status because that would be bad.
After breakfast, I go to the Potomac and go fishing. It is super fun because like being outdoors. The only problem is that all the sun is turning my skin a color that scientists are calling super orange. Yesterday, I almost caught the biggest fish ever, but then it got off the hook because of Obama.
Because of all my free time, I get to spend time with my new best friend, Senator Ted Cruz. People tell me he is a bad influence and I shouldn't hang out with him, but I think he's cool. He should totally be president one day. Canada is so much more American than Kenya.
The only bad part of the shutdown is that people are mad at me. Yesterday, I was walking down the street and someone told me I was a cancer that was ruining the country. He was a jerk. Don't worry, though. I was a big boy about it and only cried twice.
I am having so much fun on my government shutdown and I hope it never ends...also it's Obama's fault....