6 Simple Ways to Improve Bars

Bars shaped like a sine wave (or cosine, I'm open to ideas) could seat more people than the linear bars we see every day, AND those people can also actually see each other as if they were sitting around a table, instead of in a row. Sine bars also have built in points where people who aren't sitting can immediately get the bartender's attention. Now everyone can feel like that one hot-looking, incredibly loud girl.



6 Simple Ways to Improve Bars

If I can pump my own gas, why can't I pour my own beer? This system will also let you pay for beer by volume, in case you want more or less than a pint at a time.

NOTE: Probably wouldn't be allowed in New Jersey or Oregon.

 

 

6 Simple Ways to Improve Bars

Some people enjoy having a conversation with friends or potential partners at bars. Others prefer to scream over music, pretending to hear each other, apparently. Everyone can be happy if bars have a lot of small, low-powered speakers instead of a few loud ones. Every table can control the volume of their own speaker from either "comfortable conversation" to "drown out all thoughts"

 

 

6 Simple Ways to Improve Bars

Everyone likes free stuff, and everyone likes meaningless achievements. Bars should take a tip from sandwich shops and reward people with a free drink for every 10 ordered. As an added bonus, the cards will also help you figure out if you're developing a serious drinking problem as you try to get free drinks.

 

 

6 Simple Ways to Improve Bars

So, you're a little drunk when suddenly you see a plate of hot wings. Man, those wings look good. Why didn't you think to order them an hour ago. Well, guess what? You can take them. Because those wings aren't for a table, they're for whoever wants them. They're moving on a conveyer belt of bar snacks that's constantly rotating out of the kitchen. If it can work for sushi, it can work for nachos. Just keep your plate, and pay for it when you return the plate to the bar.

 

 

6 Simple Ways to Improve Bars

Pool and darts are fun, but only a few people can play at a time. They're both slow, turn-based games that are absolutely no fun to watch. You know what's more fun than aiming a stick at the cue ball? Aiming a water gun at a clown's mouth? More fun than throwing a dart? Swinging a giant sledgehammer. The games go quickly, they're fun to watch, and lots of people can play at once. Why sacrifice the bathroom mirror to a smashy, angry drunk, when you can just give him something he's SUPPOSED to destroy?

 

 Illustrations by Paul Westover