If Your Favorite Apps Were Pokémon
By Caldwell Tanner
All Apps Basically Sound Like Pokemon -or- If Apps Were Pokemon Shazam Image: An Alakazam-esque 'mon holding microphones. His horns are old-timey hearing horns. Type: Psychic Sound Pokémon Ability: Song Sleuth Dex Entry: This pokemon uses impressive mental algorithms to interpret the sounds around it. If it is in a noisy environment it may panic and become confused. Tinder Image: A lecherous, fire-type pokemon modelled after Cyndaquil. One paw is green, the other is red. Type: Matchmaker Pokémon Ability: Sultry Swipe Dex Entry: A hot-bodied pokemon that wears its feelings on its thumbs. It is weak against commitment. Snapchat Image: A ghastly Haunter-esque pokemon. He has a third eye with a clock on it. Type: Ephemeral Memory Pokémon Ability: Flash Dex Entry: This pokemon is very hard to catch and is rarely seen for more than 10 seconds at a time. It is said to exhibit lude behavior to attract mates. Instagram Image: An amalgamation of cameras similar to Magneton, each eye has a different color filter on it. Type: Social Braggart Pokemon Ability: No Filter Dex Entry: This pokemon spends every waking moment surveying and mining its surroundings for picture-taking opportunities. It is often found floating at the edge of parties and brunches, watching and recording the event, but never truly participating. Vine Image: A green tangle of 6 undulating vines that resembles a Tangela. The drawing itself is a six-second looping gif Type: Perma-loop Pokémon Ability: Six Shooter Dex Entry: A spastic pokemon with an incredibly short attention-span. It has the ability to hypnotize almost anyone with its precise, cyclical movements. Grindr Image: An ursaring-esque robot bear with a gear on its stomach. Type: Sex-Seeker Pokémon Ability: Gaydar Pulse Dex Entry: This prideful pokemon uses its ultra fine-tuned senses to sniff out the perfect pleasure partner. Its abilities are mostly ineffective against straight-type pokemon. Yelp Image: A red, farfetch'd type duck. He is holding a fork and quacking loudly. Type: Service Slander Pokémon Ability: Zero Star Slam Dex Entry: A loud, self-righteous pokemon that makes its presence known by inexplicably attacking any and all people and institutions within its habitat. Should be ignored at all costs.