By Caldwell Tanner
All Apps Basically Sound Like Pokemon
If Apps Were Pokemon
Image: An Alakazam-esque 'mon holding microphones. His horns are old-timey hearing horns.
Type: Psychic Sound Pokémon
Ability: Song Sleuth
Dex Entry: This pokemon uses impressive mental algorithms to interpret the sounds around it. If it is in a noisy environment it may panic and become confused.
Image: A lecherous, fire-type pokemon modelled after Cyndaquil. One paw is green, the other is red.
Type: Matchmaker Pokémon
Ability: Sultry Swipe
Dex Entry: A hot-bodied pokemon that wears its feelings on its thumbs. It is weak against commitment.
Image: A ghastly Haunter-esque pokemon. He has a third eye with a clock on it.
Type: Ephemeral Memory Pokémon
Dex Entry: This pokemon is very hard to catch and is rarely seen for more than 10 seconds at a time. It is said to exhibit lude behavior to attract mates.
Image: An amalgamation of cameras similar to Magneton, each eye has a different color filter on it.
Type: Social Braggart Pokemon
Ability: No Filter
Dex Entry: This pokemon spends every waking moment surveying and mining its surroundings for picture-taking opportunities. It is often found floating at the edge of parties and brunches, watching and recording the event, but never truly participating.
Image: A green tangle of 6 undulating vines that resembles a Tangela. The drawing itself is a six-second looping gif
Type: Perma-loop Pokémon
Ability: Six Shooter
Dex Entry: A spastic pokemon with an incredibly short attention-span. It has the ability to hypnotize almost anyone with its precise, cyclical movements.
Image: An ursaring-esque robot bear with a gear on its stomach.
Type: Sex-Seeker Pokémon
Ability: Gaydar Pulse
Dex Entry: This prideful pokemon uses its ultra fine-tuned senses to sniff out the perfect pleasure partner. Its abilities are mostly ineffective against straight-type pokemon.
Image: A red, farfetch'd type duck. He is holding a fork and quacking loudly.
Type: Service Slander Pokémon
Ability: Zero Star Slam
Dex Entry: A loud, self-righteous pokemon that makes its presence known by inexplicably attacking any and all people and institutions within its habitat. Should be ignored at all costs.