As discussed elsewhere, apple picking is something a person should be paid money to do, not vice versa. Not to mention that you have nothing to do with 50 apples. I mean, you like apple pie and everything, but how many pies can a person eat in a week? (3, if they're doing it right.)
Dumb factor: 5 out of 10 bushels
Halloween decorations are acceptable if children will be trick-or-treating around your home. If they aren't (i.e. if you live in a college dorm or an apartment building in a young-people neighborhood), you must come to terms with the fact that all those cotton cobwebs and grinning plastic witches on broomsticks you're arranging on your stoop are just for you. Which is a little bit sad. And Halloween isn't supposed to be SAD; it's supposed to be scary. Save the decorating for Christmas, which is already basically a worldwide celebration of loneliness.
Dumb Factor: 7 out of 10 animatronic ghosts
Alright, this one is actually pretty cool.
Dumb Factor: 0 out of 10 heart attacks
1. What is the point of corn mazes? 2. Wouldn't it be more clever to call them Corn Maizes? 3. No that would be stupid. 4. But seriously though what is the point of corn mazes?
Dumb Factor: 8 out of 10 corn dead ends?
First off, this is really a chore disguised as a fun activity, because in order to jump in the leaves you have to rake the leaves. Nice try, DAD. Also, somehow when you're a child it never occurs to you to think about all the bugs and dog poop and small rodents that could be hiding in leaf piles. We don't NEED to be jumping in dirty dead plant debris, you know. We could be jumping into a pile of something else. Like pillows. Equally arbitrary but far more hygienic.
Dumb Factor: 6 out of 10 mildewy socks
The only dumb activity on this list that actually may not even qualify as an activity, leaf peeping is just a fancy way to say "staring at trees." Often, it involves driving many miles out of your way to stare at certain special trees that are better to stare at than the trees where you live. And it's not like you even get up close to the leaves. Just look at a postcard instead.
Dumb factor: 9 out of 10 unique shades of orange
The most that can be said for this fall-tivity is that it's at least creative. As in, it teaches you how uncreative you are when (after you lug the pumpkin home, put down newspaper, assemble your tools, and scoop out the insides) you immediately draw a complete blank about what to carve.
Dumb Factor: 3 out of 10 teeny-tiny plastic knives
Maybe hay rides were fun once, back when there were no TVs, or computers, or books, or regular pickup trucks that weren't filled with hay. But as it is, this makes no sense as an activity and cannot possibly be even a little bit fun. You're not even riding TO anywhere! You're just driving around, sitting in hay! Which is not even comfortable to sit on! This is a maddeningly stupid use of time. Yes, you can get drunk and do it, but you can also get drunk and do literally anything else.
Dumb factor: 10 out of 10 "ow, my tailbone hurts"'s