6 Name Change Suggestions for The Washington Redskins

 

The Washington Senators

The team could pay tribute to the political city it represents with this name change. It may be a bit obvious, but calling the team the Senators actually makes a lot of sense: Just like real senators, they come around every year, energizing the nation's capitol and making everyone think this time it'll be different, only to inevitably let the people who support them down. 

The Washington Irvings

Take a page from the Baltimore Ravens, and pay tribute one of the great, early American writers. Because if there's one thing rowdy, football fans love, it's a good, literary reference. 

The Washington Cowboys

If there's one thing more sacred to Washington's football team than its current name, it's their longstanding rivalry with the Dallas Cowboys. Why not spice it up by pissing Dallas off and stealing their name? Competition will become heated as the two teams duke it out to see who deserves the name. When games become showdowns between two Cowboys, the NFL will become just like the old West, only this time, Native Americans won't be discriminated against. 

The Washington Honkies

Finally give white people a taste of their own medicine with this name change. Make the new mascot a guy dancing poorly with his collar popped way up. Calling the them the Washington Honkies would also open the team up to the possibility of a lucrative partnership with Vineyard Vines to make all their jerseys. 

The Washington R.G.3s

As best I can tell, he's the only person on the team anyway. 

The Washington [Insert Company's Name Here]

Washington D.C. is at the center of an economic crisis so terrible that it's allowed a football team named for a racial slur to be only the second most shameful thing to the city's name. Why not help the problem by abolishing the team name all together to make room for ad space, which could be used to generate revenue for the federal government. As fans come in droves to cheer for the Washington Nabiscos, the nation will finally begin paying off our crippling debts to China.