By Hallie Cantor and Nathan Yaffe
Since the dawn of college, there has been a devastating lack of decent pre-game activities. Beer pong? Requires too much setup. Never Have I Ever? Stopped being fun after freshman fall. Actually talking to each other like grownups? EW SHUT UP GO AWAY.
Now there is a drinking game that requires only a laptop, can be played with any amount of people (including 1, you giant sad loser), and is guaranteed to get you drunk with both self-righteousness and cheap vodka before starting your night.
HOW TO PLAY: Open your Facebook Newsfeed. Start scrolling.
DRINK if a post...
Includes a Bible verse.
Devolves into a heated political argument in the comments.
Actually makes you groan out loud.
Links to the poster's blog about their semester abroad/daily outfits/home brewery experiments.
Is a picture of food.
Is one friend showing another friend a Buzzfeed article that's apparently relevant to an inside joke between the two of them.
Is imported from the poster's Instagram/Twitter/Tumblr/Spotify, where you've already seen it.
Is an inspirational quote.
Uses the word "awkward."
Announces the poster's travel plans. (Take 2 drinks if it's in the form of airport codes. Take a shot if it's a one-word location ["Brussels!"].)
Lets you know that your friend likes a brand.
Is a vague plea for help.
Brags about the poster's significant other.
Wishes you a "Happy National ______ Day".
Is just the word "this" and then a link. (Drink twice if "this" is all caps.) (Drink 3 times for an exclamation point, and keep drinking for ten seconds per additional exclamation point.)
Is an unattributed quote from a song or movie. (Take a shot if you actually took the time to fucking Google it.)
Is self-promotion but ends with an awkward joke because you can tell the poster felt self-conscious about posting it.
Contains an emoji or hashtag. (Drink for each one, obviously.)
DRINK if someone's profile picture...
Is of them holding an animal. (If there are multiple animals, drink for each animal.) (If the animal is a small child, take a shot.) (If there are multiple small children, take a shot for each small child.)
Is of just an animal or small child.
Is in black and white.
Is a flyer for an event you are not attending. (Take a shot if it's a flyer for an event you are attending.)
Includes novelty glasses or sunglasses.
Has an Instagram filter or a border.
Is of a celebrity. (Drink twice if you don't know who the celebrity is but you are pretty sure it must be someone famous since it's definitely not the person whose profile picture it is and why would they just have their picture be some random person who isn't famous?)
Is of a cartoon character
Is them in a bikini and makes everyone in the room feel weird.
TAKE A SHOT if a post...
Announces an engagement. (Two shots if it's via a close-up of the ring.)
Announces a baby. (Two shots if it's via a scanned sonogram.)
Assumes an Onion article is real. (Two shots if it blames Obama.)
Makes you decide to finally unfriend the poster. (Two shots if they immediately re-friend you.)
Links to something you actually want to click on. (Two shots if it links to THIS VERY ARTICLE WHOA YOU GUYS I THINK I'M TOO DRUNK.)