1. Beer is about 95% water. Why be a pussy, just drink the full 100%
2. Your body is about 60% water. So when you drink water, it's like drinking yourself. That's cannibalism. Cannibalism is way more hardcore than drinking beer. If you really want to be cool drink water.
3. It's cheaper.
4. If you spend your life believing that water is as good as beer, than you'd be living in a world where beer rains from the sky. That's a really cool world.
5. Drowning, Contamination, Hyponatremia. Water causes a lot more deaths than beer, and is far more awesome and dangerous. If you die drinking beer - you're a nerd.
6. Waters have sharks in them!
7. They talk about how water got made in the bible - the most famous book ever. That's way cooler than that lame Guinness factory tour.
8. Women at work would be more impressed by seeing you replacing a heavy water jug, than seeing you hiccup, drunk, at your desk.
9. People have sex in water. People on Game of Thrones have sex in water!
10. Water is so tough, it breaks out of pregnant women's uteri.
11. You can drink a ton of it in front of your parents, and they can't say shit.
12. In a fight, water defeats fire.
13. Water is so tough, they had to build the Hoover Dam to stop it. And still the water made cracks in it.
14. Firemen use water to do their jobs. Don't you want to be like firemen? What's wrong with you?!
15. Water made the iceberg that sunk the Titanic, the greatest ship that ever was. AND Titanic was the greatest movie that ever was, and me it made me cry. And the tears were water, too. So there!