Besides President's Day the two holidays vying for the coveted most popular title are St. Patty's Day and Christmas. One concerns the birth of the One True Christ and the other celebrates the patron saint of Poor Person Island, or Ireland as it's usually called. Each Holiday also has a spokesperson: St. Patrick will defend his holiday while the Lamb of God leaves the defense of his birthday to the formidable St. Nicholas, or Santa Clause.


St. PatrickSt. Nicholas
Place of Birth
England, but kidnapped and brought to IrelandSomewhere in Eastern Europe, I think
Traditions surrounding holiday
Drunken groping, green face paint, vomit, singing, a parade, funny dancing.Christmas tree, presents, your gay cousin who's 'not welcome' at Uncle Chris' anymore.
Beverage
Beer, any beer really, but Guinness is bestShit-nog
Animals associated with holiday
Snakes (driven from the land)Flying reindeer
The next morning you'll be saying…
"And where exactly did you say I left my pants? Oh, and have you seen my dignity anywhere? No? Ok."Mom…can I have the receipt for that sweater grandma got me? She didn't give you one? Oh, Ok, I guess I'll just dress like a retard all year then. Thanks for nothing, Granny."
Weapons
The word of the LordEndless bag of gifts, flying sleigh, shape shifting
Mortal Enemy
Again, snakesJews
Best Bud
LeprechaunsElves, Mrs. Clause
Patron Saint Of
The IrishSailors and thieves = pirates!


Was there ever even a question of who was going to win this showdown? Sure, we all love Santa Clause and, yes, he did bring me that sled I wanted when I was ten, but St. Patty openly encourages drunkenness, dancing and green face paint. So, thanks St. Patrick, you've got one hell of a holiday; it'd be even better if I could remember what I did during it. Oh well, happy post-St. Patty's everyone.


Come say to Streeter at His Site.