Besides President's Day the two holidays vying for the coveted most popular title are St. Patty's Day and Christmas. One concerns the birth of the One True Christ and the other celebrates the patron saint of Poor Person Island, or Ireland as it's usually called. Each Holiday also has a spokesperson: St. Patrick will defend his holiday while the Lamb of God leaves the defense of his birthday to the formidable St. Nicholas, or Santa Clause.
|St. Patrick||St. Nicholas|
|Place of Birth|
|England, but kidnapped and brought to Ireland||Somewhere in Eastern Europe, I think|
|Traditions surrounding holiday|
|Drunken groping, green face paint, vomit, singing, a parade, funny dancing.||Christmas tree, presents, your gay cousin who's 'not welcome' at Uncle Chris' anymore.|
|Beer, any beer really, but Guinness is best||Shit-nog|
|Animals associated with holiday|
|Snakes (driven from the land)||Flying reindeer|
|The next morning you'll be saying|
|"And where exactly did you say I left my pants? Oh, and have you seen my dignity anywhere? No? Ok.||"Mom can I have the receipt for that sweater grandma got me? She didn't give you one? Oh, Ok, I guess I'll just dress like a retard all year then. Thanks for nothing, Granny."|
|The word of the Lord||Endless bag of gifts, flying sleigh, shape shifting|
|Leprechauns||Elves, Mrs. Clause|
|Patron Saint Of|
|The Irish||Sailors and thieves = pirates!|
Was there ever even a question of who was going to win this showdown? Sure, we all love Santa Clause and, yes, he did bring me that sled I wanted when I was ten, but St. Patty openly encourages drunkenness, dancing and green face paint. So, thanks St. Patrick, you've got one hell of a holiday; it'd be even better if I could remember what I did during it. Oh well, happy post-St. Patty's everyone.
Come say to Streeter at His Site.