Well kids, Spring is here and we all know that the changing of the seasons can only mean one thing: I only have three months to get in shape for summer. That's right, because if I want to be that guy at the summer barbecue who has his shirt off for no apparent reason, I'm going to have to drop a few pounds to get in peak physical condition. Yes, Spring Break was Spring Training for an entire Summer Season of inexplicable shirtlessness. So, I'm going to have to put in a few extra hours at the gym, here are some simple ways to find me. By the way, can I get a spot?1) I always forget what I look like.Yeah, that's why I'm always looking in every single mirror, like eight fucking times in between each one of my eighteen sets of bicep curls. What did you think, that I was just some vain asshole who has a Narcissistic complex and simply cannot get enough of looking at myself? Wow, you were way off, I have Self-Image Amnesia, it is a mental condition that inhibits my ability to remember what I look like, it's even harder to remember what I look like when I flex. Ask your doctor, I swear it's real.2) I do abs for, like, an entire fucking hour.Yeah, well no shit, abs are the cornerstone to any perfect body, and if there is one thing that I have learned it is that rock-hard abs are rock-hard to obtain. And besides, if I think that I am ever going to get that girl in the green pants that for some reason have "PINK" written in blue letters across her ass to want me, I am going to need my secret weapon: Abdominal Definition. No girl can resist it, even if she likes other girls. If I am not doing abs, you might be able to find me in front of a mirror wiping my face with my shirt, actually just checking out my own abs. Damn you, Self-Image Amnesia!!!