Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Customer reviews of the Snake Ghost Motel
October 28, 2013
Decent rooms. Wi-fi a bit spotty. Pillows smelled like snake.
My husband and I stayed at the Snake Ghost Motel for our anniversary and had a lovely time. A few minor things... I'm getting older, so maybe it was my eyes playing tricks on me, but when I stepped on the bath mat I swear it wriggled right out from under my feet! And I think the phone in our room was broken too. When I put it to my ear, instead of a dial tone there was just this loud hissing noise. The phone's cord also constricted around my husband's neck until he passed out, then slowly proceeded to swallow him whole.
Pretty friendly staff except for this one Native-American looking doorman who wouldn't stop rambling about how this place had been built on some kind of ancient snake burial ground. He kept saying we'd "never escape the ssserpentsss cursssse" (he was really slurring his speech, I think he was on drugs). After finishing his long weird story he mumbled something about fulfilling his role in the plot, then wandered off into the desert. You guys might want to consider doing background checks on your staff cuz that guy was super weird.
My mom was coming to town, so I booked a room for her over the phone. The lady on the phone said she had a room available for a "discount price" of 10% off.
Little did I know she was LYING and it was all a HUGE SCAM.
Because when my mom got there the lady at the desk informed her that "we do not offer any discounts" and my mom ended up having to pay FULL PRICE, and the lady DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE.
DO NOT STAY HERE!!!!
Also, one of the snake ghosts laid its eggs inside my mother's body and now hundreds of baby snake ghosts are slithering out of her eye sockets. Kinda gross.
Stayed here for my bro's bachelor weekend. The screams of the other guests kept us up at night, but overall, your snake ghosts were pretty rad to party with. One of them scared our buddy Chaz so hard he pissed himself! Ha! If he were still alive he would have never lived that one down!
The rooms were clean and the staff was very friendly but we weren't the biggest fans of the snake ghosts. Their angry serpent spirits terrorized my family day and night. Weeks after we left, my wife is still completely catatonic, and my children suffer from violent night terrors. The doctors are unsure whether they will ever recover.
I still gave the hotel 3 stars though. Like I said earlier, the rooms were clean and the staff was very friendly.
A few people here have complained about the snake ghosts, but personally I found them pretty easy to defeat. I have a PhD in snakes, so I know that snake ghosts behave exactly like regular snakes, which behave exactly like the snakes in the game Snake. So I ordered about five hundred apples from room service, placed a few near walls to take care of the less experienced snake ghosts, then fed the rest of the apples to the remaining snake ghosts until they grew so long that they ended up accidentally eating their own tails and destroying themselves. Problem solved.
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