THE LEGAL AGREEMENT STATED BELOW GOVERNS YOUR BEHAVIOR IN ANY DATING RELATED ACTIVITIES, INCLUDING DINNERS, MOVIES, WALKS ON THE BEACH AND ANY BASE YOU MIGHT REACH WHILE ENGAGED IN A MAKE OUT SESSION. TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS, CLICK "AGREE". IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THESE TERMS, DO NOT CLICK "AGREE" AND DO NOT ENGAGE IN ANY DATING WITH ANY HUMAN IN ANY SITUATION.

 

 

A. FIRST DATES, INTRODUCTIONS

 

If you are the initiator of this date, you agree that you will pay for all products you and your date will consume or purchase throughout the evening, and that Apple Dates may charge your payment method for any further products purchased in order to impress your date, including: valet parking, aged wines and flowers from that annoying guy at the restaurant praying on couples. IN THE EVENT OF A DATE GOING WELL, YOU MAY BE CHARGED WITH EXTRA PRODUCT FEES INCLUDING: CONTRACEPTIVES*.

 

*All sales of contraceptives are final, and will not be returned or exchanged, because it's gross.

 

B. LIGHT CONVERSATION

 

By clicking "Agree", you are obligated to engage in conversation about approved topics only, including: Work, Hobbies, TV and movies, and briefly about past relationships.

You MAY NOT talk about: diseases, your band, your screenplay ideas, your mom, and your total fear of commitment.

 

Any violation of these discussion topics would result in complete termination of the date and you spending the rest of the night alone, in which case Apple will gladly suggest its new product: Apple Sex-Bot.

 

C. REQUIREMENTS FOR USE OF APPLE DATING SERVICE

 

The Apple Dating service is only available for individuals aged 18 or older, with a physical look of minimum a 7. If you're younger than 18, or uglier than a 7, you may not proceed. By clicking "Agree" you guarantee that you're of legal age and at least moderately hot. If you are a borderline 7, you may supply an agreement from a past relationship guardian that your personality makes up for at least one point of hotness. Failing to supply this agreement will result in complete termination of the date, and a hotter individual will be provided for your date right in front of you, and he will show off and laugh at your ugliness.

 

D. TERMINATION

 

in case you wish to terminate the date and/or relationship, you may do that face to face only. Termination may not be performed by: Text message, Phone call, Facebook chat, Twitter posts with a #WeDone hashtag.

 

Funny vines will be considered.

 

E. PRIVACY

 

Ha. good one. We even get access to your dick pics.