With Hanukkah and Thanksgiving falling on the same day this year, let's take a look at some other holidays that should join forces.
Let's face it: Even though it has a good message, nobody likes Arbor Day. That's why we should give it a little boost by pairing it with a holiday so popular that its "season" takes up at least a quarter of the year at this point. Arbormas would basically just be the same as Christmas, only instead of cutting down our trees, we'd leave them in the forest to grow as nature intended and decorate them there. Also, instead of burning a yule log, we'd be subjected to a two hour lecture about our carbon footprint. God bless us, everyone!
Each of these holidays proves that "celebrating" a culture by getting drunk and indulging in tired stereotypes is really, really enjoyable. It only stands to reason, then, that desecrating two countries' heritages at once would be double the fun. So, c'mon, grab your favorite green poncho, belt out a mariachi version of "Danny Boy" and get totally and completely shithoused.
After 364 days of exhausting yourself, trying to pretend like you don't know what "working late" means, why not give yourself a break and take a day to celebrate the relationship that's destroying your family.
Here's what a typical Weedster would look like: Wake up and get completely baked. Once you've sufficiently stuffed your face full of Peeps, it's off to church where you'll laugh your ass off at all the big hats, and get your mind blown listening to the story of the resurrection. After church, head back home and prepare yourself for the most challenging Easter Egg hunt of your life.
It's the one day a year you set aside to atone for not calling your mother. After all she does for you...