Freestyle rapping is the newest sweet-ass dumbass thing to hit the streets. It's especially popular in places where there are a lot of black people, like prisons, and places where there are no black people but lots of BET, like your dorm room. Freestyle rapping is fun and not at all weird if you do it constantly while you're drunk. Here's a fun guide to get you started you wack-ass fucknuts.
-Start with "I'm talkin'
"This opens up a plethora of lyrical possibilities. Try this opening, then throw in a celebrity name and see where it takes you. Here's a little diddy I heard the other day. "I'm talkin' VInce Carter, I'm talkin' flavored water." From there you can take it anywhere. You can take it to the bank. Bling bling you stupid bomb-ass homeys.
-Rap a lot about oral sexThis is a great way to close a freestyle, because not only is getting oral sex from girls awesome, but "shoot a load on her face" rhymes with tons of stuff. "They call me ace; I make deposits in the bank, then on your bitch's face." You can talk about regular sex too, "I fuck mad bitches, I flip mad switches
" The important thing is that you say derogatory things about women
-Mix in some current issuesEverybody knows current issues are important, but not everybody knows what they are. By rapping about these issues you are being cool and educational, and that's stupid cool.You-"I get bitches panties dropping like Bush's approval ratings"Other person-"wow, I didn't know that. I'm going to read a book."You could have just saved somebody's life, all while committing a lyrical homicide on their faggot ass.
-Make sure you talk about how much you smoke potFreestyle rapping is about being cool, and there is nothing cooler than smoking tons of that bomb-ass diggity. When you rap about pot the most important thing to know is that you shouldn't call it pot, or weed for that matter. Call it dope. And rap about how the other person smokes bad weed (when you talk about their pot you can, and should, call it weed). This shit is pretty much common sense though.
-Talk shit on peopleThere is no better venue for bringing problems with people out in the open than a freestyle rap-off. Do you think Eric's girlfriend should know he hooked up with that slut Alexa from ASA? Do you want people to know that John from down the hall is a dick? Freestyle rapping is the new public bathroom graffiti.
-Don't worry about making sense"Blacker than a blackjack, critically acclaimed like Backdraft." That was a nice little riff, or "beat piece," as they call it in the hip hop community. The only problem, as a "square" would see it, is that it doesn't make sense. You can address this problem by ending each questionable beat piece with "fuck y'all, I don't even give a fuck." Problem solved scout! The only sense you've got to make when you rap is that stupid dope money. I'm talkin' dollars and cents y'all.