[picture:1701266|size=small]12. All the hot girls will eat huge salads covered in egg whites and balsamic vinegarette dressing. Sure, you may think it's cool that they watch what they eat but get closer to them. Do you smell that? I bet you do. Eat enough salad, like these girls, and you'll stink like rotting vegetables as your pores begin to secrete luquid compost. Not so hot anymore, huh?

11. They put laxatives in the food. Seriously. Explains a lot, doesn't it.

10. 80% of the staff at your dining hall openly resent you; the other 20% harbor a smoldering, subtle contempt for your arrogant appraoch to the salad bar and your constant criticism of bagel freshness.

9. Those Lucky Charms aren't really Lucky Charms. They're Lucky Tokens, and they're distributed by SYSCO Food Corp at a thrifty $.77/pound.

8. The reason they make you clear your own tray is because the Dean was too cheap to hire busboys…but apparently not too cheap to buy himself a new set of golf clubs.

7. The reason you're not invited to sit at the "black table" isn't because you're white or because you keep looking over there. It's because you call it the 'black table,' you racist.

6. Remember this simple equation which proves why you should never shout down your hall "Yo, I'm going to get food, anyone want to come?":

  • T=(Yx20)/2 Where T is the total amount of time spent in the dining hall and Y is the number of dudes from your hall who came and who you now have to wait for.
  • 5. It's not the cafeteria or the cafe, it's the dining hall. Just like you're in college now and should stop talking like you're in high school. Where is your locker anyway? Don't forget to sign my yearbook!

    4. No matter how trashy, ugly, self-hating or poor she is, the dining hall isn't going to impress her if it's your first date. May I swipe you in, m'lady? Table for two, by the AIDS Awareness poster if you can.

    3. It's not quite salad but it's not quite a steamed vegetable either. What is it? You guessed it…soup.

    2. Even though everyone likes to make fun of the dining hall and talk about how the food is awful, there is one thing for which the dining hall will never be surpassed: Drunk Binge Eating. Because, hey, nobody can drink all night on an empty stomach; might as well fill it up with as much free, greasy food as you can. God bless the dining hall.

    Oh, I almost forgot…

    1. At some point this year someone will trip with a tray full of food. It's very important to shout "OHHHHHHHH" as loud as possible and clap as much as you can. This way, the person who fell will feel worse about himself and you can finish your meal with a smile on your face.

    Bon Apetite!