"All right bitches, lets go fucking party!" This is the start of many nights on the college scene. All of these young crazy college coeds, as they have come to be known today's wild mainstream, head to parties as if it were a Mecca of booze and sex. Who am I kidding, a college party is a Mecca of booze and sex, except when you get there, there is no suicide bombing. But one thing is constant at all parties, and that is the hodgepodge of different types of socialization.
The Womanizer: "Hi I'm Katie, what's goin on? Not much baby (while grabbing her ass cheek and peeing on her leg), wouldn't it be better if we could carry on this conversation over a suck and a fuck? My room mate hasn't moved into my dorm room yet and we can use his bed!" This guy doesn't break the ice, he breaks the hymen. He is not very suave and generally is shot down at parties. In general this guy is a horrible person and can typically be seen dragging passed out drunken girls back to his room by their hair. His main trait is always having an already opened drink to offer to females.
The Slop Show:In my experience, the slop show is often a female, here is what a conversation with this gem might sound like. "I LOVE THIS SONG." She shouts as she stumbles and flails around the room grabbing on to your arm. Looking around awkwardly at all of the people staring at you, "Oh yeah? Maybe you should go sit down or something." "No way, WHOOOOO," she screams into your ear. "WHAT!" You yell, while cleaning the blood out of your heavily damaged ear. "I think I am going to go to another party, you want a ride, my Focus is out front." "You're driving," you say, "don't you think that's a little" stupid." "Oh no, I am sooooo good at drunk driving, I think I am better than when I'm sober!" "Ok," you say, "hey, have you heard about Darwin?" "What?" She says with a puzzled expression on her face.
Dangerously Interested Man: "Hi my names William Dartmouth Bernadette, what's you're full name and social security number." "Umm, did you just ask for my social security number?""Haha, I think you misunderstood, what's your major and minor and college ambitions?""Er" " a little taken aback, "undeclared I guess.""My God you're beautiful.""Whoa, that's a little creepy William.""Please call me Mr. Bernadette." As a blood vessel pops in his eye."Jesus Christ! You're eye just filled with blood!!""It's all for you, love of my life.""Ok, I've got to go!""NO! Please stay, hey what's that spray can, is that mace" .AHH OH MY GOD THAT BRUNS WITH GUSTO!"
Spoiled Vain Rich Girl:"Heeeey, do you think I'm pretty I can dance really well I learned how to in Paris I went to Cancun when I was in high school I got straight A's but I never tried to ride a pony even though my dad bought me one when I was sixteen he got me a BMW what does that stand for Paris Hilton actually sang that song and is an artist." All of the thoughts that this girls has are completely unconnected, yet some how always wind up together in one sentence. Her conversations are one sided, because she doesn't know that other people can talk yet. Sadly she will probably remain this way until daddy cuts her off, and she spends all of her money on overly large sunglasses.
The Most Popular Guy on Facebook:"Hey aren't we friends on Facebook?""Umm, yeah I think maybe we are""That's cool, so let me get this straight, your general interests are skiing, books, studying, partying, gardening" ""Holy shit, did you memorize my profile""LOL!!""Did you just say L-O-L?""Alright ttyl.""What is wrong with you?"
I Was Born in the Wrong Time:College hippies are a large part of the scene, but what is there really to be a hippie about anymore? The Civil Rights movement has long since made their compromises with the south, the unpopular war isn't as unpopular because no one is forced to go, and environmental issues are more of an annoyance than a tragedy. But when at a party, you are still going have to talk to those people who wish to Re-live the 60's, for the first time. "Don't you understand that our government is corrupt and gaining profit from the War in the Middle East?!!" "Yeah, I guess.""Well don't you think its time for us, the next generation to act out and tell people we care?!!!""No not really, it's late and I'm kinda drunk.""Did you know that our voice can be the change in America?""Hey I think your cell phone is ringing.""Yeah I'm expecting a conference call from JFK and Martin Luther King Jr.""" what" ?""MORE POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!!""I'm gonna go try and make out with that slop show over there, later slo-mo"