As we all know, the song centers on a man who gets caught cheating by his girlfriend and the titular advice Shaggy gives him on how to weasel his way out of it. Here's the thing though: as catchy as it sounds, the advice is actually pretty shitty.The whole song is predicated on the fact that the girlfriend actually sees the guy having sex right there in front of her. Like, she's physically looking at him. What the hell is saying "Hey, you that person you're looking at who is me. Yeah, that's actually not me." For Shaggy's proposed lie to work, this guy's girlfriend would have to be an extremely stupid person, gullible enough to believe her boyfriend's doppleganger broke into his house and just started getting freaky in the bathroom.
This one is troublesome in two ways. First of all, is romance dead? I mean I know you guys are in the middle of an affair but that doesn't mean that you can't put a little effort into it. Of all the places you could make love in, did you have to choose floor of the room where you poop. Second of all, the bathroom floor? Really?!? Maybe I'm a hypochondriac, but the idea of ripping off all my clothes and rolling around a bunch of tiles coated in grout and flecks of piss is unfathomably gross to me. I sincerely hope they put a clean towel down, because I'm pretty sure this is how urinary tract infections happen.
The fact that Shaggy is giving this guy advice on how to avoid this girlfriend's wrath would seem to suggest that the girlfriend is upset by her boyfriend's infidelities. However, if you listen to the lyrics it kind of seems like that's not the case, because she doesn't just catch him once. She catches him in the bathroom floor, in the shower, on the sofa, and on a counter. Now granted, I've never been caught cheating, but from what I understand from movies, once the girlfriend walks in, the hanky panky immediately stops. Rarely does the person who catches the cheater follow them around the house in order watch as they continue their affair, four different times. That, plus the fact that she apparently goes and gets a camera to film her boyfriend with another woman, would seem to suggest that she's just the kind of person who actually of enjoys what she's seeing.
For all it's flaws, I think we can all agree that "It Wasn't Me" is a pretty amazing song. In fact, on the list of Greatest Songs of All Time, I'd say it probably ranks third after Beethoven's 5th and whatever song Jesus wrote to make himself so popular. Why has the man who gave the world this amazing gift fallen so far of the pop culture radar? I'm saying it right here and now: It's time to bring Mr. Bombastic back! The world need's more Shaggy.