We took the Top 25 lunches in the country right now, based on a highly subjective poll, and entered them into the BCS formula. The formula then divided each lunch by 2600, which is the maximum number of votes a lunch could receive, which revealed the BCS Quotient of each lunch.
BCS Selection: Fish Paddies with Enriched Seaweed Slurry
The BCS system is based on performance, and Fish Paddies with Enriched Seaweed Slurry contains the highest amounts of essential vitamins with the lowest amount of cholesterol and other harmful ingredients. Turkey Sandwiches, an undefeated fan favorite, are currently placed 17th due to strength of menu.
Outfits from all across the country were ranked by a committee of 62 voting members based on a loose and highly personal rubric of whatever they thought was most important. Those votes were then compiled and divided by 1550 because that is the total amount of votes any single outfit will receive if all 62 members agree on the same outfit, which they most certainly will not.
BCS Selection: Tuxedo Suit Coat, AC/DC T-shirt, and Crotch-Less Leather Pants
Because the opinions of every member are combined together and averaged out, everyone wins and you're sure to look great on your date! This outfit satisfies the proponents of classic attire (tuxedo), while still being cool and contemporary (AC/DC tee), with no nonsense, straight-to-the-point gameplay (crotch-less leather pants). Button-down shirts and blue jeans could not be considered for the rankings due to off-season dress code violations.
Six computers have ranked all of your possible plans for this weekend. Do the computers take into account which activity you would prefer to do the most? They are computers -- we don't know what's going on inside of them. The highest and the lowest scores for each activity are dropped and the remaining scores are divided by 100 or whatever.
BCS Selection: Boozy Brunch w/ Ex-Girlfriend, Her New Boyfriend, And Your Mom
The computers took into account the people that you love the most and the activities that you love the most and put them all together. You love booze. You love brunch foods. You love your mother. And you are still in love with your ex-girlfriend. Computer ask: Why does the human leak water from eye-holes?
Here are the other decisions we left to the BCS Formula and the results:
Decision BCS Selection
What should we watch on Netflix? Blitz, starring Jason Statham
What music should you listen to? Static between Top 40 Radio and NPR Station
Where should you work? Desk job at Airport
Sleep with this stranger? Yes, in public.
Floss? Yes, sorry we mean No.
Who should you fight? Nobody, except for the cops.
Favorite Sport? Scuba.
Is Katy Perry talented? She is the voice of our generation.
How do you take your eggs? Dead.
President in 2016? No thanks.
How will we die? Blitz, starring Jason Statham