So I finally thought of a kick-ass name for my 'Ice Ninja' persona. What do you think of this: SUB-ZERO. I'll freeze people with ice powers then NAIL em with uppercuts! Pretty cool, huh? Haha, pun intended.
Yeah I like it, good job.
Have you given any more thought to your name? Did you like my suggestions, "Heatwave," "Fireball" and "Inferno?" I still think INFERNO would be pretty sweet.
Actually, Mike, I just got this really cool rope with a 'stinger' on the end of it, and I think I'm gonna throw it at people and call myself "SCORPION." Pretty kickass, huh?
Wait...are you serious? Dude -- we AGREED we were gonna be rival "Fire and Ice" Ninjas!
Ehh, I thought about it and decided to go in a different direction. No offense, though! Your suggestions were good.
Seth, we bought IDENTICAL BLUE AND ORANGE NINJA OUTFITS! Why would one of us be the Ice Ninja and the other IDENTICAL RIVAL NINJA is some stupid rope-throwing insect guy? Oooh, ICE vs. DESERT INSECT GUY: The timeless rivalry!
First of all, the rope isn't stupid, it's friggin' AWESOME, and it's really hard to dodge. And second, I never agreed to the "Fire and Ice" thing, that was YOUR idea, and YOU bought those suits, and frankly, you know what? I think it's stupid. Fire and Ice? It's predictable, it's derivative, and I don't want to be a part of it. There, happy?
Oh yeah, super happy! Super happy that when I asked you FIVE WEEKS AGO if I should go ahead and order the two ninja suits and put them both on my credit card, you said "sure, whatever, I don't care." But apparently, what you meant to say was "I actually care a TON, I just won't tell you that I care until AFTER you've ordered a blue ninja suit and spent months coming up with a name and a whole ice gimmick."
You were so gung-ho about this "Fire and Ice" crap from Day One, what was I supposed to say? "Hey Mike, you know that idea you've poured your heart and soul into? It's actually terrible, and also I don't wanna enter a deadly martial arts tournament and get killed and have my tombstone read 'R.I.P. Volcano-Man' or some shit. But by all means, let's keep being roommates!"
I never suggested "Volcano-Man" you backstabbing little dick. And while we're at it, you know what? Scorpions are fucking lame as shit too. They're like four inches long, most of them aren't even poisonous, and everyone's gonna keep making jokes about you being in that dumb 80s band. NO ONE'S gonna think you're intimidating.
You're right, it's definitely not as intimidating as "Doctor Snowpants"...
Oh you can go fuck right off. Take your dumbass pointy rope and go stick it--
Heeeeyyyy guysssss! WHUHH OHHHHHH, Scorpion on the loose!!! Haha, what's up, man?
Wait...how did you know his name already?
If it isn't Johnny C-Word! Did that porno movie finish shooting for the day? Haha. Cool shades, man.
Thanks, bud! So, given any more thought to that catchphrase?
Yeah, I got it narrowed down to three. Whenever I rope I guy, I say "Get over here!" or "ScorpiOWNED" or "You just got STABBED WITH A ROPE, motherfucker!!!"
Duhhhhh! Third one, bro! Obviously!
That's what I was thinking too!!!!
Wait, catchphrase? You guys planned this?? Seth...did Johnny Cage tell you to scrap the Fire Ninja idea and go with this ridiculous Scorpion nonsense?
Ehhh, well, it was kind of a joint... you know, mutual decision.
Yeah, totally mutual decision.
Plus it was something I was definitely already thinking about beforehand, it's just, Johnny kinda helped me think it over.
Wait, how about a compromise? What if you're some sort of FIRE Scorpion, so we keep the fire/ice concept going, and I'll be your rival, the Ice...whatever animal. The Ice Lizard?
Yeah, that's pretty lame.
Oh FUCK this. You wanna be "Scorpion"? FINE. Maybe I'll just be THE OPPOSITE OF A SCORPION, whatever the hell that is. "Hey everyone, it's me, Opposite-of-Scorpion Man! I actually have an awesome gimmick that isn't based on a stupid tiny desert bug and also I never totally screw my close friends and never pay them back for the ninja suits they ordered OR those concert tickets from like a goddamn year ago!"
Why not just steal this guy's gimmick and start going shirtless and wearing shades and tight black pants and flinging stupid little green balls around like a douchebag?
Whoaaa, hey, why're you bringing me into this?
No offense, I just meant that--
Hahahahaha!!!!! Ohhh mannn -- sorry bud, but you totally walked right into that one. Didn't he, Scorp?
Uh... yeah, Johnny. Yeah he did.
You ok, Scorps? You're not laughing.
Yeah I'm fine, it's just...
Pehhhh.... mem .. I . whaa.... mhe peehhhh
No, no I'm fine. You wanna hit up the clubs tonight, or whatever?
READ MY MINNNNDDDD BROOOOO, we totally gotta celebrate your awesome new name!
Yeah, sounds good.
WOOOOO it's a date! Not like a gay one, haha. Except maybe for YOU. [Makes dick-sucking noise] Just kiddin man! Lemme hit up Kano, let em know where we're gonna be. Scorpion's gettin' his STINGER wet tooo-night! That's your dick.
Ohh, we should TOTALLY do karaoke and have you sing "Rock You Like A Hurricane," get it? By the Scorpions? Eh? Ehhhh??
Yeah, I got it. That's good.
Catch ya later, Cold-ie Hawn!
...I really have a sudden urge to rip someone's spine out.