Harry, Ron and Hermione are fun and all, but for the students who weren't spending every second battling the Dark Lord, life at Hogwarts was indisputably a 24/7 teenage f*ckfest. Here's why:

 

13 Things From the Harry Potter Universe That Would Definitely Just Be Used for Sex

This is a potion that makes you look like anyone you want (assuming you can get a strand of their hair). There is no way it would not be used for sex reasons constantly. Make yourself look hotter so you can trick someone hot into boning you. Make your significant other look different so you two can spice things up for a night. Get two pals together and have a threesome between Megan Fox, Channing Tatum, and a second Megan Fox. The possibilities are endless.

 

13 Things From the Harry Potter Universe That Would Definitely Just Be Used for Sex

Maybe when Harry was ELEVEN his deepest desires were to meet his parents and to prevent Voldemort from getting the sorcerer's stone. But if the climax of Book 1 had happened when he was a few years older, he would've had to be like, "Ahhh, sorry Quirrell, this is so embarrassing, but all I'm seeing is me and Cho Chang banging on the Quidditch pitch lol, omg now Madame Hooch is joining in, whaaat. Hey um, do you and Voldo think maybe could you just give me a few minutes of privacy?" It might be awkward to admit what you see, but it would also be like watching the best porn ever, starring yourself and whoever else you want.

 

13 Things From the Harry Potter Universe That Would Definitely Just Be Used for Sex

Remember the dimly-lit Dark Arts shop in Knockturn Alley with the face-masks, hangman's rope, and "rusty, spiked instruments" hanging from the ceiling? Uh, yeah. Those were definitely all sex toys. The Weasley twins were often warned about venturing into Knockturn Alley by notorious kinkshamer Mrs. Weasley, but you know Bellatrix Lestrange probably bought all her haunted buttplugs here.

 

13 Things From the Harry Potter Universe That Would Definitely Just Be Used for Sex

But however will students have sex when they're separated at night by gender, age and House into tiny dormitories of five people each? It's not like there's some magical room on campus that'll just APPEAR when they really need some privacy, where Filch and Mrs. Norris will never find them, where there's a giant heap of condoms and multiple sex swings and whatever else they need for their nudity session. OH WAIT YES THERE TOTALLY IS.

 

13 Things From the Harry Potter Universe That Would Definitely Just Be Used for Sex

Room of Requirement not good enough for you? Go chug a few butterbeers at the Hog's Head, pick up some edible underwear from Honeydukes, and get freaky in the Shrieking Shack. You won't be interrupted because everyone is afraid to go in there, and no matter what weird sex noises you make, the good people of Hogsmeade will just assume it's a werewolf or banshee or something.

You know, there's a reason you can only get to the Shrieking Shack via the Whomping Willow. It's 'cause you go there when you 'bout to get WHOMPED.