There's a reason we shove children at their own table each Thanksgiving. They're messy, noisy and, more often than not, can ruin the entire evening without even realizing it. But why stop at just banishing kids? This Thanksgiving, try using any one of these fail-proof isolation tables to improve your holiday dining experience.
If There Were "Kids Tables" for Other Members of Your Family
By Caldwell Tanner
If There Were "Kid's Tables" for Other Members of Your Family --- There's a reason we shove children at their own table each Thanksgiving. They're messy, noisy and, more often than not, can ruin the entire evening without even realizing it. But why stop at just banishing kids? This Thanksgiving, try using any one of these fail-proof isolation tables to improve your holiday dining experience. Each image will be a illustration of the table's inhabitants. The Older Kids Table AKA Teen Town - A table full of grumpy teens, none of whom are talking to each other, one is instagramming the food. They are seated at circular card table with a table cloth on it. A wasteland of sullen cousins, table texters, and other adolescent outcasts that would rather be anywhere else. Separating them will eliminate lots of family drama, but also increase the amount of fancy liquor stolen while no one's looking. The Cool Kid's Table - A group of 20 somethings drinking wine and having a great time. They are seated at a couch and eating off the coffee-table, FRIENDS style. A loose collective of college kids and 20 somethings that are old enough to drink but have no concept of the world outside of the one poli-sci seminar class they took freshman year. Giving them their own habitat allows older and younger family members alike to envy their ignorant aloofness without having to endure their insufferable opinions. Drunkle Island - A rowdy group of uncles and 30-somethings drinking budweiser and pulling each other's fingers. they are seated on a cheap plastic folding table. The homeland of divorced uncles and 30-Somethings that still act like they're 20-somethings . This table serves as a head-on-a-stick style warning of what the future holds for younger relatives if they don't get their shit together. The Debate Club - A group of angry parents, aunts and uncles all yelling at each other. The table has a red and blue tablecloth on either side of it. A wine-fueled verbal sparring arena for the more outspoken members of your family. Much like the Cook Kid's Table, these people don't actually know anything, but think they do simply because they have more money. Bets can and should be take on which relative will be the first to storm off to the backyard to "cool down." Rando Row - A postal worker, a nervous young man wearing a tie, and a foreign exchange student all sit together awkwardly. Whether out of pity or misplaced obligation, these non-family members somehow ended up at your Thanksgiving. But worry not! By sticking these outliers at an outlying table, you avoid exposing them to the complicated inner workings of your family's annual Subtle Insult and Pointed Gossip Festival. The Grandparents Table - A doorway with a speech bubble coming through it. Grandma: ARE YOU STILL SEEING THAT MIXED RACE BOY AT SCHOOL Girl: I LOVE YOU TOO, GRANDMA! In honor of the very first Thanksgiving, where several older family members didn't survive the harsh winter, put your elders in another room and think about how much you miss them.