The 5 Most Important Things You Should But Wont Learn From a College Business Degree 

Although "networking" is one of the industry's favourite buzzwords (translating into "pretending to be nice to someone so they give you a job after graduation"), it only works if you already know the people in the industry - something that can only happen if you've already networked with them. Since this creates an obvious catch-22 scenario, the only loophole you can escape through is if you have some type of pre-existing family connection to someone who worked their way up from the bottom from back in a time when this was possible (along with other fun things like escaping murder charges by burying a body in the nearest available ditch because forensics teams didn't exist).

 

The 5 Most Important Things You Should But Wont Learn From a College Business Degree

Business law classes are devoted to explaining the difference between things that are "ethical" and things that are "legal". For example, failing to honor a verbal contract to devote 0.001% of your multibillion dollar corporation to help starving orphan puppies in Africa would be unethical, but legal, but failing to pay the postage fees outlined in a written contract could get you into a court battle. As a business person, it's your job to ensure that you exploit any scenario that relies on ethics in order to advance your corporation and get you that bonus which will pay for your new hot tub.

 

The 5 Most Important Things You Should But Wont Learn From a College Business Degree 

If you plan on getting anywhere in the business world without a billionaire daddy, you will need to shmooze your way through countless events where you'll be hoping the boss you hate gets drunk enough to think you're worth promoting despite your obvious lack of ability, but where you're forced to stay sober enough to manipulate her into initiating this conversation of her own free will. Basically, events like these are the exact same as convincing your drunk high school crush to actually sleep with you.

 

The 5 Most Important Things You Should But Wont Learn From a College Business Degree 

The most effective bizmeth for augmenting analytical productivity is to ensure higher order thinking buzzword compliancy augments by at least 57.6% in brick and mortar facilities. (Translation: you need to use business-talk to communicate with people.)

 

The 5 Most Important Things You Should But Wont Learn From a College Business Degree
If you're upset that all of your frenemies were playing their cards better than you, you can rest in peace knowing everyone who picked on you and your accounting-nerd glasses will be stuck kissing your feet when it comes time to pick members for group projects. Partner-selection is a vicious world where party-time bffs are abandoned in a desperate attempt to convince the people who actually read the project outline that you're committed to actually passing the class. Score a Mensa-ranked group and you can coast through the assignment, but wind up with the buddy you always "happen" to run into at the bar for last call, and you can guarantee meeting up for the first day of the same class next semester.