Horrible Endings to Romance Novels  

He laid her on the bed, whispering in her ear. "I'm yours. Forever". She turned, softly resting her head on his chest. And then they did it.

 

She never saw anyone like him before, and would never see anyone like him again. He became her whole world, occupying her mind for every second of every minute of every hour of the day. Then she fell and got amnesia.

 

The stable was the only place to shelter them from the harsh winter rain. They held each other to keep warm, their bodies abolishing the coldness. It poured outside, but was only heating indoors. They slowly leaned in for a kiss, but Mable sneezed all over Edward's face.

 

"I'll live forever in your heart, she whispered with her dying breath. He held her body, remembering fifty years of marriage, with not a single bad moment. "No. You can't die", he cried. "You didn't tell me where you keep the stamps"!

 

Victoria watched the two windows. In one, her husband, the love of her life. In the other, her neighbor, the newly discovered passionate lover that made her feel young again. Her gaze shifted between them, trying to make a decision. Then it hit her -- Bingo! A Threesome!

 

"Turn me", she begged. "I want to live forever with you". She did not care about the consequences of becoming a vampire. He was hesitant and afraid she would regret it, but she convinced him. "Come on, I drink blood all the time anyway..."

 

They arrived at the hotel after a long drive. Luckily, there was one vacancy left. They went inside and saw there was only a single bed. "Just one bed. Oh, what ever shall we do"? she asked, while playfully curling her hair. Jonathan hopped inside, took off his shirt and said "Dibs! Mine, bitch, you get the floor"!

 

They met at the bar, and shared a few drinks. Things got heated up, and they could barely contain themselves. They burst into the men's room, locking themselves in a stall. They were wild, like animals, ravaging each other. But they lost it when they heard the guy in the next stall taking a furious poop.

 

 

(Illustration by: Tom Trager)