7 Unimpressive Life Achievements

Achievement unlocked:

You have successfully spent your entire weekend sitting on the couch, eating chips and binge watching all of Veep.

Reward:

Starting next season, you may join the weekly live airing, and are now able to discuss the episodes online in real time, without fearing spoilers.

 

7 Unimpressive Life Achievements

Achievement unlocked: 

You showed Michael Jordan-type abilities by hitting the trash can perfectly.

Reward:

You may now move the trash can three inches further, for a more difficult level of game.

*Special Token Earned: M.V.P - Most Valuable Paper. (No, really. You shouldn't have thrown that. It was an important contract).

 

7 Unimpressive Life Achievements

Achievement unlocked:

You demonstrated amazing mental Capability by punching in your bank code on the first try.

Reward:

You may delete from your phone the highly clever contact "Agent Code-y Banks" containing a fake phone number that has your pin number as the last four digits.

 

7 Unimpressive Life Achievements

Achievement unlocked:

You proved incredible strength by carrying nine bags in each hand, without dropping anything.

Reward:

You may now eat your well earned Mars Bar.

 

7 Unimpressive Life Achievements

Achievement unlocked:

You skillfully broke an egg and are now on your way towards becoming a professional chef!

Reward:

You may now eat your eggs without cutting your esophagus.

 

7 Unimpressive Life Achievements

Achievement unlocked:

You proved your superior intelligence is no less than that of Stephen Hawking or Albert Einstein, by getting all the definitions right all by yourself.

Reward:

You may now read the funnies.

 

 

7 Unimpressive Life Achievements

Achievement unlocked:

You have masterfully aimed your pee directly to the bowl.

Reward:

You don't have to clean the seat, nor do you have pee on your leg.

*Special Token Earned: Whiz Master/ Whiz Palace King/ Whiz Khalifa.

 

 

(Illustrated by: Tom Trager)