A Conversation Between The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and Me  

  1. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    So, I guess I'll see you on Dec 13th. Are you dressing up like Bard of Laketown again?

  2. Me

    No, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, I won't be watching you opening night. Or...at all.

  3. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    What! You don't mean that, buddy!

  4. Me

    Actually, I do, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. I really do.  I got pretty burned with your predecessor.

  5. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    OK, bro, I get it, but I can explain...

  6. Me

    Explain what? Everyone knows that The Hobbit should have been two movies at most, but the studio forced Jackson to drag it out to three.

  7. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Three EPIC movies! Will the cranky dwarf-king take back his throne? It's EPIC!

  8. Me

    It could just be charming. Like the book is.

  9. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Charming is for pussies! Hey, the hooked-handed Albino orc is back!

  10. Me

    Who?

  11. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    His name escapes me, but I'm sure they gave him one. He's scary, right?

  12. Me

    Not as scary as a giant, living eye made of fire.

  13. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    We put him in it, too! At least I think he's in this one. But maybe it's the third one...WATCH AND FIND OUT!

  14. Me

    Ugh, I'm done.

  15. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Dude, it's gonna be AMAZING! We've got Legolas in a guest spot, hopping around in the trees!

  16. Me

    Yeah, why is Legolas in the movie? He wasn't in the book.

  17. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Who gives a shit? You love Legolas! Plus, he's got to be there otherwise the Tauriel storyline makes no sense.

  18. Me

    Who?

  19. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Tauriel! Kate from Lost! She's a wood elf who--

  20. Me

    Nope! I don't know who that is, and I've read The Silmarillion.

  21. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    The what?

  22. Me

    Never mind. What does she do?

  23. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Dude, she's the love interest! Everyone loved the love story from the first ones!

  24. Me

    The Hobbit is the first one! Speaking of prequels: really? Have we learned nothing from Star Wars?

  25. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Did Star Wars have people RIDING IN SEALED BARRELS DOWN A RAGING RIVER!!!! EEEEEPPPPPIIIICC!

  26. Me

    Listen, I'll probably go anyway, just to see Smaug.

  27. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Smowgue?

  28. Me

    Smaug.

  29. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    SCHMOWGUE?

  30. Me

    Why are you saying it like that?

  31. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    That's the way Tolkien intended it to be pronounced.

  32. Me

    Oh. Cool!

  33. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Just kidding! Smowgue just sounds more badass, right?

  34. Me

    You don't have to make an evil dragon more badass!

  35. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Dude, he's voiced by Beneditch Cumberbatch! He totally rocked it in Twelve Years A Slave, bro! BADASS!

  36. Me

    I'll see it, OK? Leave me alone!

  37. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    In IMAX, right?

  38. Me

    Yeah, I always buy the IMAX ticket by mistake.

  39. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Awesome! And remember, bro, awards season is just around the corner! So--

  40. Me

    Don't push it.

  41. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    Gotcha. (whispers) EPIC!