So, I guess I'll see you on Dec 13th. Are you dressing up like Bard of Laketown again?
No, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, I won't be watching you opening night. Or...at all.
What! You don't mean that, buddy!
Actually, I do, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. I really do. I got pretty burned with your predecessor.
OK, bro, I get it, but I can explain...
Explain what? Everyone knows that The Hobbit should have been two movies at most, but the studio forced Jackson to drag it out to three.
Three EPIC movies! Will the cranky dwarf-king take back his throne? It's EPIC!
It could just be charming. Like the book is.
Charming is for pussies! Hey, the hooked-handed Albino orc is back!
His name escapes me, but I'm sure they gave him one. He's scary, right?
Not as scary as a giant, living eye made of fire.
We put him in it, too! At least I think he's in this one. But maybe it's the third one...WATCH AND FIND OUT!
Ugh, I'm done.
Dude, it's gonna be AMAZING! We've got Legolas in a guest spot, hopping around in the trees!
Yeah, why is Legolas in the movie? He wasn't in the book.
Who gives a shit? You love Legolas! Plus, he's got to be there otherwise the Tauriel storyline makes no sense.
Tauriel! Kate from Lost! She's a wood elf who--
Nope! I don't know who that is, and I've read The Silmarillion.
Never mind. What does she do?
Dude, she's the love interest! Everyone loved the love story from the first ones!
The Hobbit is the first one! Speaking of prequels: really? Have we learned nothing from Star Wars?
Did Star Wars have people RIDING IN SEALED BARRELS DOWN A RAGING RIVER!!!! EEEEEPPPPPIIIICC!
Listen, I'll probably go anyway, just to see Smaug.
Why are you saying it like that?
That's the way Tolkien intended it to be pronounced.
Just kidding! Smowgue just sounds more badass, right?
You don't have to make an evil dragon more badass!
Dude, he's voiced by Beneditch Cumberbatch! He totally rocked it in Twelve Years A Slave, bro! BADASS!
I'll see it, OK? Leave me alone!
In IMAX, right?
Yeah, I always buy the IMAX ticket by mistake.
Awesome! And remember, bro, awards season is just around the corner! So--
Don't push it.
Gotcha. (whispers) EPIC!