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From the warmup round of holiday party mistletoe to the main event of the New Year's countdown to the grand victory lap that is Valentine's Day, everyone who's anyone is being mouth-hugged this holiday season. Here are some foolproof lip-locking strategies, from easiest to most difficult:

 

1. Trip onto his mouth.

Whoops!

 

2. Suggest a game of Spin the Bottle.

You know, if anyone else wants to, or whatever, probably not, I dunno, it's lame.

 

3. Cheat at a game of Spin the Bottle.

One word: magnets.

 

4. Cut your lip while his hands are full.

The only way to stop the bleeding is for him to put pressure on it! With his lips!

 

5. Spread a cool rumor about yourself.

When he hears that your saliva has healing properties, he'll want to see for himself.

 

6. Bribery.

$5 each should get every other available human to leave the room just before midnight.

 

7. Fake drowning so he gives you mouth-to-mouth.

You may have to find a bathtub at the party for this one.

 

8. Starve him out.

Slowly remove all his food sources for days. Then cover your lips in mashed potatoes.

 

9. Kill his parents.

And forge their will so it looks like their dying wish was for him to knock gobs with you.

 

10. Ask him if he'd like to kiss you.

Caution: for experts only.


P.S. Also, have sex or whatever.