10. Vastum - Patricidal Lust

Coming right out of the gate you know you're gonna love this because there's a big-ass bat on the cover


9. Svart Crown - Profane

This is a very good album about how a guy's mom was mean


8. Red Fang - Whales and Leeches



You can tell this one is good because of the evil rainforest


7. Cara Neir - Portals to a Better, Dead World

This album is great for everyone who would prefer to be dead

6. Noisem - Agony Defined

Don't be fooled by the "basic" blood pentagrams this band has a very deep skull collection


5. TOAD - Endless Night

A lesser band puts stir fry on the cover but a good metal record will make that wok a cauldron of hellfire

4. Ruins of Beverast - Blood Vaults: The Blazing Gospel of Heinrich Kramer

A rule of thumb for metal is that if Evil Yoda is having a bad time you're gonna have a good time


3. Satan - Life Sentence

We are all thankful that the band originally called Seitan realized their preference for Lucifer over tofu


2. Cerekloth - In the Midst of Life We Are in Death

This album is all about rebelling against institutions and dental appointments

1. Obscure Sphinx - Void Mother



When it comes to scaring me into liking your record, two glass eyes are better than one.



Missed the Cut:


Deafheaven - Sunbather




This looks soft as hell